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Tom123ParticipantDecember 9, 2012 at 5:08 pm #18442
Here’s the situation. There is this girl that I used to hangout with all the time about a year and a half ago. We both really liked eachother and were basically “dating” without actually being “official.” One day she sent me a text asking if we were official and I replied that I wanted to wait until I knew where I was being relocated to for my job and whether it would be out of state or what. It turns out it was only a few hours away. I knew she didn’t like long distance relationships because she had mentioned it before the issue of me relocating came up. One day when I came back home to visit, I decided to end it because of the distance (not because I wanted to, but because then she could find someone closer and be happy). Since then we have both seen other people and have remained good friends and talk a few times a week and still hangout when I visit. I have since been relocated again (5 hours away instead of 2) but we are both single and I have asked if she wants to get back together but she said she wants to just have fun while she is in college. She always is the one to start our conversations and sent me a message the other day saying “she knows I used to love her” which I did/do but when I told her the first time she didn’t believe me. I’m confused if she wants to get together or not after that conversation because the next day she told me she might be pregnant with her ex at the same college as her. I still care about her and had promised her that I would always be there for her, but I don’t know what to do in this situation. Is she just using me as a back up incase her ex doesn’t stick around if she is pregnant, or does she really want to see if I still love her and get together?
coryhoppsParticipantDecember 10, 2012 at 2:11 pm #18508
looks like you do care about her even to be with her if she’s pregnant and she chooses you over the baby daddy AND still has feelings for you.
In other words, you have a lot of odds against you. You’ve built up this imaginary relationship you think MAY arise from this sticky situation. Sounds like you’ve got your chest puffed out and ready to show this girl you’re Mr. Right, when she’s obviously clouded by her own problems.
AnonymousDecember 19, 2012 at 6:01 pm #19123
This sounds challenging! One of the most common questions I get from guys is “what the heck does she really mean?” Ladies are infamous for sending mixed messages. Many times on purpose, and many times just having mixed feelings….wanting to be together and then not wanting to be together. She feels both!!!!
Listen, my suggestion is to just let her figure her life out. Any girl who is pregnant is going to be looking for help. She may be reaching out to you, because you felt solid to her and she liked you. However, her re-connecting and sending some signals to get back together may be coming from her need to connect to someone who can go through this stuff with her. Her feelings may not be genuine….they may be….who the heck knows! Being pregnant would cloud any lady’s feelings about EVERYTHING! It’s a life changing situation!
Instead of putting the ball in her court entirely, YOU need to decide what you want. What kind of relationship do you want to have? Is distance ok for you? If she is pregnant and you guys decide to get back together, I’m going to guess that you are asking for some serious challenges…her mood swings, her fears and insecurities, her confusion, her frustration….she is going to go through a serious physical and emotional rollercoaster and you won’t physically be there to help her through all of it. Being pregnant is hard enough, let alone add a long distance relationship on top of it. So, this is where you decide what kind of design you want and will she be able to meet your needs? Most likely, you will end up being there more for her than her being there for you while she goes through this….unless of course she decides not to keep the baby or she turns out not being pregnant.
And why not just ask her what she really wants? Tell her you are confused by the mixed messages and want clarity!
chris_08ParticipantDecember 20, 2012 at 2:39 pm #19187
Well hey. the guys didn’t confirm this girl actually IS preggers. Although it does sound like he wants to jump on the bandwagon, it’s still not 100% that she’s got a bun in the oven. I don’t know Tom, seems like you don’t even know what role you’d play in her life. Is it a role she wants you to fit? Or something you seriously wanna dive into head on? Be careful my friend.
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