Should You Always Dump A Man Who Doesn't Want to Commit?

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Should You Always Dump A Man Who Doesn't Want to Commit?

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  • Hayley Matthews Hayley Matthews
    DatingAdvice.com
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    Ralphie1999
    Ralphie1999
    Participant
    December 17, 2018 at 5:03 pm #191225
    Should You Always Dump A Man Who Doesn't Want to Commit?

    Dating for 4 months. He says he is in love with me. I asked him if I was his girlfriend and he freaked out and said. ” No…I mean…I don’t know.” I’ve met his coworkers, friends and family. We talk daily and we spend every weekend together. We connect on every level. He blamed me for moving things too fast. I told him that wasn’t fair for him to say that when he planned everything. He agreed that it was wrong for him to blame me. I asked him if he wants to date other people or slow down. He said NO! We had an emotional conversation and then the next day I saw that he was back on a dating site. He still made plans for us this weekend but now he seems hesitant about sharing stuff with me like he used to. At first, he was an open book, sharing everything with me. He said he’ll think more about it (a relationship) while he’s away at a retreat for a week. I enjoy what we have but he’s on a dating site now and he’s not sure about us, should I leave if he says no to a relationship?

    dashingscorpio
    dashingscorpio
    Participant
    December 19, 2018 at 10:07 pm #191440

    “Should You Always Dump A Man Who Doesn’t Want to Commit? ”
    Only if YOU want a exclusive committed relationship.

    If two people don’t want the same thing it’s a waste of both of their time to continue seeing each other.
    Suffering is optional.

    “Dating for 4 months. He says he is in love with me.”
    “I asked him if I was his girlfriend and he freaked out and said. ” No…”
    ” I saw that he was back on a dating site.”

    Commitment is (behavior) and not a title.
    If someone is telling you they’re “in love” with you and after 4 months of dating they’re back on a dating site….
    You have to know they are (keeping their options) open!

    Last but not least you can’t “dump” someone you’re not in an exclusive relationship with.
    He clearly stated YOU are not his girlfriend and HE is not your boyfriend.
    At best it sounds to me like he may have told you he loves you BUT he is not (in love) with you.
    If he were “in love” he wouldn’t be back on a dating site looking for other opportunities.

    AltoidsAndTabloids
    AltoidsAndTabloids
    Participant
    January 6, 2019 at 3:50 pm #191981

    I would say that you should not “always” dump a man who doesn’t want to commit. I believe there are two reasons that someone may not want to commit. One would be that they are simply not interested in a monogamous relationship at that time, and want to continue exploring. In that case, if you ARE looking for an exclusive relationship, then it would make sense to stop seeing each other, otherwise you’ll be wasting each other’s time. The other possible reason is that they may have a legitimate FEAR of commitment, due to any number of reasons. It sounds like he MIGHT fall into this category, based on his reaction. My advice would be to gently bring it up in conversation, and try to gauge if this is fear-based, or if he’s simply not interested in an “exclusive” relationship (which I’m skeptical of, since he admitted to loving you). If he is afraid, and you are patient and caring in the way you discuss it, it might greatly ease his nerves and open up a lot of room for healthy conversation.

    incanada
    incanada
    Participant
    January 7, 2019 at 8:16 am #191983

    Yeeeeaaaaa this may be simple. Dashingscorpio is right on.
    Saying you are in love with someone puts some confusion around the rest of these words and, importantly, actions. You can stil see him, but be sure you know what this is and where it’s going. If you don’t like tha, then it’s as easy as cutting him loose.

    GreatLove44
    GreatLove44
    Participant
    January 8, 2019 at 2:24 pm #192146

    It’s clear to me that he doesn’t know what he wants. However you know what you want. Ask him when you guys are in a relaxing atmosphere does he want a relationship? If so does he want one with you? Tell him how you feel, that you want commitment. If he loves you then he shouldn’t be going around looking for something else. If he says no, then that is your answer! If he tells you who he is the first time, believe him!

    devdo
    devdo
    Participant
    January 10, 2019 at 12:02 am #192283

    Most guys don’t want a relationship; they want sex. It sounds like he is in “Lust” with you, and there is nothing wrong with that. Exclusivity almost always fails. Check out the latest divorce statistics.
    Just have fun and enjoy yourself. Try not to “commit” to just one guy. Enjoy your life and explore.