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yardyParticipantJanuary 15, 2019 at 7:16 pm #192677
I’ve known this girl for 5 years as a friend and she’s a nice person but also very shy. I like her but am having trouble reading her. We recently had lunch together and I asked if she was seeing or targeting anyone, her answers to both questions were no (by shaking her head and looking down at the table). She’s Asian and previously mentioned she’d prefer to date white guys (I’m white) due to her bad impression of some Asian guys she’s come across. When I asked what’s she looking for in a man, she asked if I’m trying to introduce someone to her, which I said I don’t know what she’s looking for. I’d gone to her place to install some gadget in her bathroom and took the opportunity to hold her hands by teaching her how to use a nail gun and she was fine with it. When I left her place, I gave her a tight hug and asked her for another hug after letting go and a cheek kiss before driving off, which she willingly did too. What are the chances of getting rejected if I ask her out formally?
heavenscrownParticipantJanuary 15, 2019 at 10:02 pm #192681
Just be honest.shoot your shot. You already have great rapport so you chances are in your favor. She clearly will not make the first move so ball is in your court
dashingscorpioParticipantJanuary 17, 2019 at 11:54 am #192847
Man up and ask her out!
What holds a lot of guys back these days is they only want a “sure thing”.
In a world with over 7 Billion people rejection just means: Next!
It is always better to have tried and failed than to be left wondering.
Having said that don’t expect to have the best date ever with a shy introverted person.
They generally require patience and time to feel comfortable to express their thoughts and desires.
Be honest with yourself!
Not everyone is capable of withstanding a “one sided” outing where they are asking most of the questions.
However if you believe she’s worth the effort then make the effort. Don’t become frustrated trying to “figure her out”.
Life is too short to be trying to change water into wine. The goal is to find someone who (already is) what you want.
Strive to make her feel comfortable and relaxed when you are around her.
If you can get her to laugh or even smile during the date you will be on the right track.
JustARandomGuyParticipantJanuary 18, 2019 at 12:46 am #192917
Ask her out before you regret it trust
arethenaParticipantJanuary 27, 2019 at 12:18 am #193526
As an asian girl who’s also shy, I can really relate to her. Being shy, she probably doesn’t want to ruin the friendship if she confesses and you say no, so maybe she’s not going in yet. And if you ask her for a kiss and she really kisses you, then it really wouldn’t hurt to ask. Hope everything goes smooth with you two!January 27, 2019 at 6:59 am #193528
The girl is not hard to read. She could not have been more transparent. The person you need to get more in touch with is reading yourself. Surprise, you are shy too. Yes you were able to kiss her, go to her house, and even hug her. However you are shy in the sense that you struggle to ask her out due to the fear of being rejected. It would be helpful for you to understand this more so you could be freed up to follow your desire. Kindly consider answering the following to I can provide you specific feed back:
1. Why are you so ready to be rejected?
2. What attracts you to a shy girl?
3. What does formally ask her out mean to you?
4. You were already together in her home, with your hand over hers hugging and kissing. What are you feeling and saying to yourself when you think about asking her to spend more time together?
I look forward to reading your responses and giving you my feed back.
yardyParticipantFebruary 3, 2019 at 6:26 am #194044
1. I don’t know what kind of guy she’s looking for as she seems to avoid answering every time I ask her.
2. I’m not particularly attracted to her shyness, but rather she’s a very intelligent and independent girl, yet intriguing to me.
3. I am at an age where I am ready to settle down, but if I’m not her type, we’re just wasting time.
4. I was trying to feel her heartbeat when hugging her tight. She doesn’t initiate the hugs and kisses and I’ve always had to prompt her for them, so there’s a chance she might not be interested in me.
jpk868ParticipantFebruary 3, 2019 at 9:08 am #194045
Also trying to read I Chi girl. Have a first date after meeting online a couple of days ago. About an hour after the date she messaged me through the dating app and said specifically….. “thank you for dinner. It was lovely meeting you. Enjoy your weekend.” I replied saying I enjoyed being together very much and I hope we can do it again. Any thoughts on whether her message indicated interest in meeting again or just a polite message? Two days have passed without any additional communication.February 3, 2019 at 9:08 am #194046
I thank you for your honest replies. They were very helpful for me to get a clearer understanding to what’s going on for you. I am going to give you my feedback. This will help you not only with this woman but with all potential relationships in your life. So sit down, takes a slow deep breath, and slowly take in the following:
• A major reason that you are emotionally struggling is because there is a roadblock between you and your feelings. Let me explain this for you. For example
o When I asked you “Why are you so ready to be rejected?,” you completely focus on what the woman might be feeling and doing in your answer “I don’t know what kind of guy she’s looking for as she seems to avoid answering every time I ask her.” This answer of your’s resembles you talking about a feeling but it really does not deepen and open up your hidden underlying feelings that are getting in your way to be freed up with women.February 3, 2019 at 9:09 am #194047
• This pattern of expressing something that resembles a feeling, but that does not really belong to you is evident in most of your answers. Let me help you see the following:
o When I ask you “what attracts you to a shy girl,?” in your reply “I’m not particularly attracted to her shyness, but rather she’s a very intelligent and independent girl, yet intriguing to me, your answer is all intellectual words without any feelings. In addition when I asked you what attracts you to her you initially tell me what you do not like about her, and in a very superficial way. We have no idea what you feel about a shy woman.
oFebruary 3, 2019 at 9:10 am #194048
o In the question “what does formally ask her out mean to you,?” your reply “I am at an age where I am ready to settle down, but if I’m not her type, we’re just wasting time” avoids answering the question. However some feelings are hinted at when you say “wasting time.” The feelings and thoughts that lie beneath this phrase could also contribute to your struggles with woman you say you are attracted to.
o When I asked you “You were already together in her home, with your hand over hers hugging and kissing. What are you feeling and saying to yourself when you think about asking her to spend more time together?” your reply “I was trying to feel her heartbeat when hugging her tight. She doesn’t initiate the hugs and kisses and I’ve always had to prompt her for them, so there’s a chance she might not be interested in me,” completely avoids you talking about your feelings. Feeling her heartbeat is a physical sensation of another person and not your inner thoughts and feelings.February 3, 2019 at 9:10 am #194049
• So let’s uncover this roadblock to your feelings and help to free you up with women. Kindly explore the following questions and I will continue my feed back.
1. What is your relationship history?
2. What is your age?
3. What do you like about yourself? Be very specific using third grade language and start each sentence with the words “I feel.” Then say why you feel you like what you wrote.
4. What do you like about this woman and start each sentence with the word “I feel .“ then say why you feel you like what you wrote.
5. What are you feeling when you said “we’re just wasting time? Be careful not to give me an intellectual answer. You need to speak from the gut like “I’m afraid, nervous, scared etc.
I look forward to your replies and helping to get you on the road to finding your soul-mate and settling down.
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