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mycraycrayfriendParticipantFebruary 16, 2020 at 5:10 pm #229721
I am hoping maybe you all can help me understand my firend or maybe I can show him this thread and he’ll wake up.
He considers himself in a long distance relationship with someone that lives almost 6000 miles away. They have been maintaining this “relationship” for almost 7 years now. This guy flies over once a year for 1.5 weeks and they go on a trip together. My friend earns more money than him and ends up paying for EVERYTHING. They don’t have sex with each other and when he’s not there my friend spends his time on a hook up app.
Now for some context, I know that my friend is very depressed (he tells me) and has no social life (we live in different cities). I want him to start dating in his city. The guy’s life is also very deadend and he uses my friend for free vacations. My friend also openly admits to using him as a servant and forces him to clean his house and drive him around.
I just want my friend to be happy and I think this guy drags him down. How do I help him?
dashingscorpioParticipantFebruary 16, 2020 at 7:28 pm #229726
“They have been maintaining this “relationship” for almost 7 years now.”
“This guy flies over once a year for 1.5 weeks and they go on a trip together.”
“They don’t have sex with each other.”
“(I) want him to start dating in his city.”
“(I) just want my friend to be happy and (I) think this guy drags him down.”
“How do (I) help him?”
Life is a (personal) journey!
Based upon what you’ve said it appears YOU are the one who is most bothered here.
No one stays in a (7 year) relationship or even friendship if they are truly unhappy!
As you noted they both are getting something out of this arrangement which is working for them.
Generally speaking a loving/romantic couple does not engage in a long distance relationship for 7 years!
The goal of most couples is to be together! That means someone chooses to relocate to be with the other.
Clearly they’re happy with the way things are. No one is “stuck” with anyone! Suffering is optional.
I would just focus on my own life
mycraycrayfriendParticipantFebruary 17, 2020 at 4:44 am #229735
I understand your point. Although, I disagree with the “getting something out of it“. Exchanging money for cleaning and chauffeur service is just having a servant. My friend is not happy and I am of course very bothered by it. I believe this is a major source of his depression but my friend is blind to it or in complete denial. Because he thinks he has a Boyfriend he doesn’t date. He says he’s in “love” with him but whenever he talks about his future this other guy isn’t in the picture. They have no plans to move in together. I just want my friend to have a meaningful loving relationship.
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