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NewYorkNewYorkParticipantAugust 31, 2016 at 11:25 pm #110308
So its now 2 years since i found my wife had a full blown affair, we have been married 11 yrs now, she had a affair for at least a year and a half. We have 3 kids. its been 2 years , but i am still pissed and sick to my stomach about it. She lied to my face on multiple occasion and had sex with this man in our house and on top of it all she started this affair , while i was taking care of my sick mom, who eventually passed. Prior to this i thought she was a good women but now my opinion is completely changed, I see her completely differently. She has apologized multiple times, pleaded for my forgiveness and the last 2 years she has been completely different, I’m pretty positive she has had no contact with the guy, she has given me, her phone password, facebook ect. She has honestly done the things she needs to, but i cant find forgiveness. I feel she should have done these things when she was having a affair. How can anyone forgive the dirt she did. Need to hear some opinions on this
NewYorkNewYorkParticipantSeptember 1, 2016 at 8:59 am #110311
I honestly have started to think no matter what she does this will not change and i am only delaying the inevitable.
audreyep89ParticipantSeptember 26, 2016 at 10:05 pm #112543
its gonna be very very hard and can take years, but i have seen couples go to counceling and put in the hard work and come out better than before the affair. alot of times for someone who cheated its hard to them to be honest about why they did it cuz they dont want to hurt u anymore. in my past i cheated cuz i wasnt getting attention and just gave in to the person who gave it to me, and we are all human and sex is temptation so u have to be able to understand how someone might fall into the trap (no excuses tho i know) but i think first realize if she wanted to be with him she would be, if she didnt wanna be with u she wouldnt be, if u wanna make sure it doesnt happen again i would try to really understand what i could have done different to make her feel no need to be tempted, to make sure all her needs were being met which means u have to make it easy for her to be honest with you.
audreyep89ParticipantSeptember 26, 2016 at 10:09 pm #112544
i also feel like when u are having thoughts about the affair or feeling insecure or jealous if u voice how ur feeling your actually letting her in, sharing how u feel so u create this environment where ur being intimate with her by letting her in that way and allowing her to understand what/how ur dealing with it. if she doenst know how ur feeling she cant try to help comfort u and turn it around so if u want it to get better u have to give it that opportunity. be open, be honest, be able to take the things u dont want to hear so u can fix them and be better in the future, dont constantly make her keep paying for it or she will give up… guilt is a hardcore emotion.. its def okay to allow her to see the damage it did, but dont continuously put her down, understand also that sometimes when we cheat its not about u or what u did/didnt do, sometimes its just us, some times we get bored and think we are not happy and mess things up but really we are just bored. yall can get through it
AnonymousInactiveSeptember 27, 2016 at 8:11 am #112550
worst thing ever 🙁
coldturkeyParticipantSeptember 27, 2016 at 8:21 pm #112671
…and THIS is the reason once you found out that she had had the affair is WHY you should have filed for divorce right after! PLEASE don’t use the kids as an excuse for staying in this broken marriage.Here is the blunt truth….when someone cheats..they have forever broken that TRUST in the marriage.There is no marriage after the TRUST has been broken.Now there are others who do stay after one has cheated BUT they have forgiven that person and moved forward.ONLY if you can forgive that person,move forward and NEVER bring it up ever again..is the ONLY way some people can survive something like this.If you know in your heart that you can’t do that…then please end it now and get your divorce so you can move forward.Sorry that this has happened to you BUT you are the only one who can do something about this…which is get a divorce and move forward.You will always have your kids..divorce doesn’t change that unless you let it.
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