So what do I do differently?

DATING ADVICE FORUM

So what do I do differently?

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  • Hayley Matthews Hayley Matthews
    DatingAdvice.com
    July 7, 2020 at 11:17 pm FORUM ANNOUNCEMENT

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    Lookingtoimprove
    Lookingtoimprove
    Participant
    January 5, 2020 at 5:20 pm #227303
    So what do I do differently?

    I’m going to try and keep this short and concise. In the seven months I’ve been back in the dating game, I’ve had a fair amount of dates. No matter whether I see someone for only one date, or multiple dates, it seems like what ends up happening is that despite what (according to people with experience in this area) seems like positive body language/positives in regards to a date, I’m either told that someone isn’t ready for a relationship, talks about making specific plans for a future date, only to end up not wanting to go out with me, or in general says/does something to make it seem like a date was great, only to not go out with me again.

    I can handle rejection and I know (nor do I expect) be for everyone. The things I can’t stand are having my time wasted, being lied to, or being led to think things were great, when they seemingly weren’t good enough. Any thoughts as to how to if nothing else, get women to be up front with me/not lead me on?

    dashingscorpio
    dashingscorpio
    Participant
    January 6, 2020 at 4:49 pm #227359

    First of all most people are not going to be rude on a date or intentionally say something that may hurt your feelings.
    Therefore let go of the notion of expecting the majority of women to tell you upfront they dislike you.

    Odds are it was YOU who picked up the tab for the date.
    Expecting someone to chow down and then put you down afterwards may be asking too much.

    Clearly if you have been going on a “fair amount of dates” you’re doing better than a lot of guys.
    Getting women to say “yes” to a date is a challenge for many guys. You listed this question under “online dating”.

    Possible issues are:

    You don’t look like your profile photo
    You’re {going out on dates too quickly} without having established a good rapport.

    If there’s no chemistry on the phone there won’t be any when you’re together alone.
    There should be flirtatious banter/laughter before having a date.

    Choosing the wrong dating activity or having marathon dates going beyond 2-3 hours.
    You’re not laughing together, playfully touching, holding hands, or kissing.

    dashingscorpio
    dashingscorpio
    Participant
    January 6, 2020 at 5:07 pm #227361

    The goal of a first date is to have light conversation about each other’s “favorite this/that”.
    Maybe talk about places you’d like to visit or share some of your funniest experiences.

    Before choosing the dating activity find out what (she) likes doing!
    What are her favorite places to eat/have cocktails.
    Being where she likes to be gives you a head start towards her having a good date.

    Most women enjoy being with men who can make them laugh or smile.
    However not many guys can pull off a marathon date filled with entertainment.
    At some point they run out of gas and then there are uncomfortable quiet pauses.

    Note: If you’re doing all the questioning your date isn’t all that interested in you.

    If she’s smiling, flirting, and laughing with you but you never “make a move” it may turn off some women.
    Not many women are going to ASK a guy to kiss them! (And a lot of them don’t want a guy who asks for a kiss either!)

    They expect men to be confident/risk rejection.

    ssenderoff
    ssenderoff
    Participant
    January 25, 2020 at 9:46 pm #228415

    It sounds to me like you’re probably coming on a little too strong. People say stuff like “I’m not ready for a relationship” when they feel pressured or smothered early on. Just go with the flow and be non-committal. Everyone loves a chill first date where both people have no expectations!

    bigdj4uk
    bigdj4uk
    Participant
    January 27, 2020 at 7:39 am #228428

    I smash every date and still get blown days later lol