Starting a relationship without experience

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Starting a relationship without experience

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  • Hayley Matthews Hayley Matthews
    DatingAdvice.com
    October 10, 2018 at 12:07 am FORUM ANNOUNCEMENT

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    tstudent
    tstudent
    Participant
    August 10, 2018 at 5:32 am #181268
    Starting a relationship without experience

    My question this time is, how does an inexperienced guy start a relationship or move things towards one? I’ve been on dates several times, the longest was five times with the same girl. Still, I have never even kissed a girl. Additionally, when seeing each other several times, it becomes increasingly difficult to come up with fun date ideas. I don’t usually do a lot of spontaneous stuff, go to events etc., I have quite regular life style (work, many hobbies, always at the same time of the week). I feel like I would need some kind of a road map, I’m just totally lost. The end-goal is to have a long-term relationship and I just can’t see, how to get there.

    k
    k
    Participant
    August 10, 2018 at 6:16 am #181270

    As a girl reading this, and from my point of view we girls need to be made to feel that we are needed and wanted. When I look for a possible relationship with someone I like the guy to make the first move, and suggest possible times, dates and destinations to go on for dates because it looks as though you are putting in the effort. And own from my own personal view point, I would like a first kiss by the third date, and for the guy to make the move. I feel as though if you keep making the effort to text or keep in contact whether its every couple of days with the girl you are dating, then things should get more serious.

    Pumpkinspice26
    Pumpkinspice26
    Participant
    August 11, 2018 at 5:01 am #181375

    I was in your same boat, I started my first relationship when I was 24 and I had no idea what to do but I knew exactly what not to do, and really I just did everything out of my heart, like I know it sounds chessy but your heart will guide you on what to do

    Jar of Flies
    Jar of Flies
    Participant
    August 13, 2018 at 8:37 am #181386

    I was in an almost identical situation at age 25. Here’s my advice:

    1) Don’t obsess over a woman. When things are getting sour, have friends and hobbies to keep you occupied. You can only control yourself, not others. I used to get very depressed over women, but I’ve gotten better over time. Also, don’t let achieving a relationship strangle your dating life. As the song says, if you cling too tightly, you might lose control. Let the pieces fall naturally.

    2) Learn new skills, like cooking, horseback riding or playing an instrument. These can make you more appealing and provide more activities to do together, especially if you can prepare a great meal for her or teach her how to do something.

    3) Always be honest with yourself about your identity and character, and look for ways to improve, regardless of how great your dating life is. Don’t let insecurities hamper your personality. Dress and present yourself in a way that gives you confidence.

    I hope that helps.

    dashingscorpio
    dashingscorpio
    Participant
    August 13, 2018 at 11:12 am #181444

    “I have never even kissed a girl.” What have you been waiting for???
    Even in 2018 girls still expect {the guy} to initiate a first kiss!

    It’s possible she may reject you, turn her head, or gently push you away but that’s life!
    Everyone gets rejected either directly or indirectly.
    For all you know the girl you took out 5 times may have wanted to kiss you but since you didn’t kiss her (she) felt rejected!
    The longer you take someone out without there being any physical affection the more likely you’ll slip into the “Friend Zone”.

    The best way to approach a first kiss with someone is to make it seem like a natural progression.
    Maybe you’ve shared some cocktails, laughs, and you’re slow dancing in a club, you might lean in give her a couple pecks.
    If she’s receptive you might have a gentle open mouth kisses your tongues connecting. Don’t be overly aggressive.

    If you’ve been walking around (having a great time) at some point hold hands as you stroll. Kiss her good-bye
    at the end of the date.

    dashingscorpio
    dashingscorpio
    Participant
    August 13, 2018 at 11:29 am #181446

    Ultimately there’s no “starting a relationship” unless the other person is “into you” too!
    The fact that she’s agreed to go out with you is a sign she may be interested.

    However girls have been known to say “yes” to the date but “no” to the guy.
    It’s always possible that the (event/activity) appealed to her or she had no other plans.

    During the course of a great date there is usually a good rapport established, some laughter, flirting, and casual touching.
    There’s also usually a great deal of eye contact during the conversation while both people ask questions and listen.
    If none of the above have taken place throughout the date it’s probably a bad idea to lean in for a kiss at the end.

    In fact if the date is fairly silent or only one person is asking questions to try and make a conversation; there’s no chemistry.
    When people (like one another) there’s always a certain amount of “playfulness” or fun moments they share when together.
    You can’t manufacture chemistry.

    tstudent
    tstudent
    Participant
    August 13, 2018 at 3:32 pm #181491

    Thanks for all the replies, I really appreciate your input! : )

    As in why I haven’t kissed a girl, or really initiated any physical contact except hugging before/after date, well, things never go into a direction where it would not be super akward. That’s actually why I posted this question. Almost all the dates have been coffee or walks. I’m a bit of an introvert, and I don’t enjoy clubs and other loud environments, and I don’t drink at all. Still, I would not consider myself shy (anymore). I’ve approached approximately two thousand girls, been on a date with thirty, and only had a second date with four girls. The first time I asked a girl out was five years ago, and I’m 28 now. Also worth mentioning, I’ve met most of these girls by cold approaching.

    I do have quite many hobbies and interests, including sports, music, and I even recently started dancing. Still, I’m not very talkative (though I show interest and ask questions) and I feel like my conversations aren’t super exciting.

    • This reply was modified 2 months, 1 week ago by tstudent tstudent.
    dashingscorpio
    dashingscorpio
    Participant
    August 13, 2018 at 6:01 pm #181498

    Unfortunately at 28 you’re at an age where women your same age will expect you to be more experienced with dating.
    Nevertheless it admirable you have (cold approached) 2000 girls however going on a date with just 30 of them indicates something is wrong.
    You may be approaching women “out of league”, at the wrong time, wrong place, in a non confident or awkward manner

    You might want to consider creating a profile for an online dating site or app so women will have an opportunity to (find you). Learn from other guys!

    You also mentioned you have lots of hobbies and interests may you can join a couple of groups on Meetup dot com
    They have a large variety of hobby/interest groups who get together a meet once or twice a month.
    This will allow {you to get to know people gradually} before approaching them and at the very least you have something in common.
    There’s book clubs, salsa dancing, photography, wine tasters, meditation, yoga, theatre goers, singles mixers and lots of others.

    Zerocool
    Zerocool
    Participant
    August 14, 2018 at 2:02 am #181511

    The best thing I can offer you…. with you saying your dates are not very exciting. That is a very simple change that doesn’t have to be expensive either. Find something that you really enjoy doing (one of your hobbies or interests) and wait till you meet a girl that is into it. Takes time, but in the end you will have that common interest to get the conversation started and you can hopefully discover more commonalities as you go.

    As for the kiss, if the date is going well, the conversation come naturally and your making her laugh and smile… just go for it, she’ll let you know if she’s not feeling it. Then apologize for misreading the situation and ask her “can we just pretend I didn’t make a fool of myself?” If shes into and just wasnt ready for that, she’ll be okay with it.

    tstudent
    tstudent
    Participant
    August 14, 2018 at 2:54 pm #181580
    Reply To: Starting a relationship without experience

    Well, I would say that the time and place are definitely not optimal in most cases. People are busy during the day, and stopping someone on the streets is always somewhat akward. As mentioned before, I’m not good at socializing with people in “common” social situations, such as bars or parties. Dancing is great, because it offers a possibility to approach a girl I like, talk one on one during dance, and there’s no pressure to keep the conversation going, we can just dance. If the girls really are out of my league, then I’m doomed, because of course I wouldn’t date someone that I’m not attracted to. But I honestly believe that a large portion of the girls I’ve approached are already in a relationship. Most of the girls I’ve been on dates with have ben slightly younger than me, both from my personal preference, and younger girls also respond more positively to approaches. And I’ve had profiles on multiple dating sites, though they aren’t very active where I live.