Struggling to get over ex girlfriend

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Struggling to get over ex girlfriend

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  • Hayley Matthews Hayley Matthews
    DatingAdvice.com
    November 11, 2018 at 5:05 pm FORUM ANNOUNCEMENT

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    ps69uk
    ps69uk
    Participant
    November 1, 2018 at 2:17 pm #188490
    Struggling to get over ex girlfriend

    I was in a relationship with an (now ex) work colleague for over 2 years. It started as an affair when my marriage was in a bad place (I know, I know) – but we were mad about each, she told me how much she loved me etc. She is 26 i’m 39, but had a really deep connection. We did normal things together, although she was never able to meet my child (ex-wife made that impossible) and as such, moving in together was difficult. We broke up a few times (mainly as she wanted to make me chase and give her more of what she wanted, ie. my time), but the last time was totally unexpected – we were cuddling, drinking wine etc. and she stood up and simply said I’m going home tonight. I probably lost my temper a bit as she vowed not to do that again, and she said there was no more “us”. I haven’t spoke to her in 3 months since then but cannot get her out of my mind. I think about her still every day, all day. I’ve had multiple casual encounters since but they were all empty and I am not moving on.

    dashingscorpio
    dashingscorpio
    Participant
    November 2, 2018 at 2:18 am #188583

    In order to “move on” one must (want to) “let go”.
    As long as you on some level hope for a reconciliation you will never get over your ex.
    You can’t get to second base if you insist on keeping one foot on first.
    Happy couples (in love) don’t suddenly breakup. Stop romanticizing the past.
    The first step in getting over someone is to {accept it is over}

    Secondly put things in perspective.
    In order for (her) to be “the one” she would have had to see (you) as being “the one”.
    At the very least a “soulmate” is someone who actually wants to be with you!

    There’s no getting around the fact it takes (time) to get over a long-term relationship especially if you didn’t end it.
    “A bend in the road is not the end of the road unless you fail to make the turn.” – Helen Keller

    In a world with over 7 Billion people rejection just means: Next!
    Eventually you’ll meet someone that will make you happier.

    “Never love anyone who treats you like you’re ordinary.” – Oscar Wilde

    ps69uk
    ps69uk
    Participant
    November 2, 2018 at 4:42 am #188588

    Thank you – wise words. Now just to put it into practice….

    I think my problem is our relationship was so intense from the beginning but at the end things were just left unresolved.
    No real reasons given. Up to that point we had been really good, we had recently been on holiday and had a great time and a few days earlier she told me how much she loved me etc. I think a combination of alcohol, having a bad day and me not moving things on as quickly as she wanted pushed her over the edge. In hindsight I am convinced it was another attempt to get me to chase, and I regret not doing so. She was fiercely loyal and into me so I don’t think she was cheating, but maybe someone had caught her eye, although that’s quite sad to think about. We’ll both ultimately be happier alone, but everything (workplace, the local area, etc.) reminds me of her. I have a handful of very good friends who give me the same advice, but in the thick of the fog its hard to see when it will end.

    Thanks again.

    dashingscorpio
    dashingscorpio
    Participant
    November 3, 2018 at 12:38 pm #188683

    Closure is overrated!
    More often than not asking for “closure” is the equivalent of asking an ex to punch you in the face on the way out the door.
    Having someone run down a list of your faults or their reasons for dumping you offers no healing.
    There is nothing your ex could do or say that would make you feel better about having your heart broken.

    Generally what happens when someone does list all of one’s faults and shortcomings they start to beg for another chance.
    They swear they can “change” or become someone who they are not.
    Dropping to your knees and grabbing someone by the ankles as they walk away isn’t a pretty sight.
    Odds are she already had {made up her mind} she was done.
    You would have later hated yourself for becoming a basket case.

    Whatever the reason why a mate leaves you could be the very same reason why another falls madly in love with you.
    That’s life! Simply put (she) was not “the one” for you.
    Be grateful for the good times you had and move onto the next chapter of your life.