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SlevenParticipantJanuary 29, 2018 at 2:44 pm #163744
I’ve been with my SO for 6 years. We are both divorcee’s. We live together – with our kids.
Before we started dating, he had an ex (sort of) that he still was in contact with. She was married and they fooled around behind her husband’s back. It never went too far…or all the way…which, sort of makes it worse.
About 2 years ago, I happened to see his facebook. It wasn’t an intentional snoop starting out. We work together and we use the same computer. I confronted him and told him that I wasn’t willing to be in a relationship with him if he wasn’t committed to our relationship. He was, of course, mad that I had snooped in his facebook. He also said that they are just friends and that he should be able to talk with his friends. Because we own a business together and our livelihood is tied together, I said I would stay, but that the damage had been done and I couldn’t love him like I had before. Things got better between us and have been good since then…until now.
SlevenParticipantJanuary 29, 2018 at 2:52 pm #163745
He left his phone out. It rang. I picked it up to see who it was (again, because we work together and use our phones for biz). In the background was a message from her (the messenger bubbles that pop up and don’t go away til you put them in the trash). So…yes. I looked. Turns out he has been messaging with her since August. All of her texts are normal and conversational. His texts are along the lines of “I want to see you”. NOTE: she lives in another state about 15 hour drive away, so it’s not like he can see her. They text at 10 pm to midnight. They text several times a week.
I know that this will not go anywhere…she is polite and doesn’t engage him when he says things like he wants to see her and wishes they could get together. But, I feel betrayed and unable to do anything about it. If I bring it up to him, it just opens a bigger can of worms (our business, our home, our family).
So, how do I just let this go and go about life as normal?
chaoticmess13ParticipantJune 23, 2018 at 8:46 am #177815
Coming from an ex wife, I’m pretty sure it’s not just a friendly thing. My ex n I were married 22 years ago. Divorced 2 years after, one child. Played the hate game for about 3 years. He remarried, I remarried. He still contacted me. I divorced, he divorced. Still contact. He was living with another girl, I was engaged to another man.. still contact. Our contact wasn’t casual. Not just about our child. In fact very few times about our child. Every time our child had an event, we slept together. Idk my life. And I’m sure plenty others. Usually ex’s that communicate like that, our not just friends. Very hard to stay good when sexual attraction is there.
dashingscorpioParticipantJune 24, 2018 at 1:26 pm #177828
” I confronted him and told him that I wasn’t willing to be in a relationship with him if he wasn’t committed to our relationship.”
And then you say: “I feel betrayed and unable to do anything about it.”
“Because we own a business together and our livelihood is tied together, I said I would stay…”
When he told you: “he should be able to talk with his friends.” that let you know right then he has no intentions of stopping.
Once you know the truth about someone it’s not about “them” anymore. It’s on you to make a decision moving forward.
If this were truly a “deal breaker” for you having a business together wouldn’t keep you there.
Business partners go their separate ways all the time. In some instances people breakup but continue as strictly business partners.
If you’re with a guy who is telling another woman he wants or needs her then he’s not all that (into you).
Burying your head in the sand/looking the other way simply because of the distance isn’t wise.
MasonDavis1979ParticipantJune 25, 2018 at 3:37 am #177835
I’m a guy and I’m saying this that he’s fooling around. Still having a communication with an ex at all hours? smh
k1991ParticipantJuly 13, 2018 at 8:37 pm #179323
I have an ex who I am close friends with. I’m unattracted to her to such a degree that I broke up with her (mostly for that reason). And now she is a really good friend who helps me with issues and who i talk to about video games, etc.
I don’t think talking to an ex a lot is a problem on its own, but if there is still an attraction there, or if they meet up while you aren’t around, THAT is the problem. Find out. Do what you need to do.
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