The Incredible Invisible Woman

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The Incredible Invisible Woman

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  • Hayley Matthews Hayley Matthews
    DatingAdvice.com
    October 10, 2019 at 1:49 am FORUM ANNOUNCEMENT

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    Lolo
    Lolo
    Participant
    April 1, 2019 at 12:59 am #197970
    The Incredible Invisible Woman

    I will start by saying I have no one to talk to. My group of friends has kind of disbanded and my best friend is always busy with her kid. I’m in desperate need of some advice. So, here it goes: I’m a thicker woman and have been most of my life. That being said, I am proportional with an hourglass figure and I’m often told that I’m pretty, funny, smart, kind, awesome, etc. Still, I know that most guys will pick an average-looking thin girl over a prettier fat girl, so naturally I have a handicap and I don’t have the best chance with guys. I’ve known this a long time. However, it’s worse than that: I am more or less invisible to men. I VERY RARELY get hit on or have drinks paid for. Hell, I’m lucky if I guy says excuse me if he bumps into me. Actually, guys don’t even check me out. I just don’t understand because I know women bigger than me who have boyfriends. It doesn’t end there. For the brief couple of times in my life that I was thin, I was still ignored by the opposite sex.

    Lolo
    Lolo
    Participant
    April 1, 2019 at 12:59 am #197971

    Now that I’m back to being big, I signed up for a plus-sized dating app. I signed up maybe four months ago. Maybe a dozen members have messaged me. Less replied to any messages I sent out. I read most women on dating apps get an average of four messages a day on each app they’re on. I’m lucky if I get four in as many months. So, it hit me today. I think I might be too fat for “regular” dating apps and too thin for the fetishist on the plus-sized app? IDK, anyway I’ve tried everything too. When I was young and stupid, I of course tried too hard to impress my crushes, so then I tried being quiet and coy. Nothing. Then I tried making the first move. I also read articles of what to put in your profile and what kind of pictures to add, then followed suit. Can you guess what happened? Not too successful there either. I get asked on a few dates here and there, but never with guys I met in person. They’re all from apps and nothing ever comes of it anyway. They all ghost me eventually.

    Lolo
    Lolo
    Participant
    April 1, 2019 at 8:21 am #197972

    I must add that even though I kept changing my tactics, I was never disingenuous or acted like someone I’m not. So, it has to be me. Something is wrong with me and I don’t know what it is. I’m already depressed and lonely as it is. This sort of realization is exacerbating it. Any input?

    dashingscorpio
    dashingscorpio
    Participant
    April 1, 2019 at 11:41 am #198000

    “I am proportional with an hourglass figure and I’m often told that I’m pretty, funny, smart, kind, awesome..”
    “I know women bigger than me who have boyfriends.”
    “For the brief couple of times in my life that I was thin, I was still ignored by the opposite sex.”

    Based upon the above three statements it sounds puzzling that you have been unable to connect with anyone.
    I suspect it has been (family and friends) who have told you that you were (pretty, funny, smart, and awesome…”
    People who spend a lot of time around each other are influenced beyond the superficial aspects of a person.
    In essence you become more attractive to them the more they get to know you.

    Online dating is more or less scrolling through profile photos and only reading profiles of those one is attracted to.
    I would imagine in a “niche dating site” for overweight women odds are high women far outnumber men on them.
    A nice good photo is where you want to start. Also consider joining a hobby group on Meetup dot com.

    dashingscorpio
    dashingscorpio
    Participant
    April 1, 2019 at 12:24 pm #198002

    The fact that when you were thin you had the same problem suggests you may want to try a “makeover”.
    Some people always wear their hair, makeup, or dress a certain way.
    Sometimes it’s good to change up things. If you want something different YOU have to do something different.

    In other instances it’s a case of “nice guys” and “nice girls” do not pursue each other.
    Oftentimes when they meet someone nice they put them in their “friend zone” and pursue narcissistic types instead.

    Everyone has their “preferences” and sometimes those are what keep them from being happy.
    A woman may refuse to date men who are (shorter) than her, overweight, bald, has children, of a different race and so on.
    Black and Latino men for example are known for appreciating thicker women compared to their white counterparts.
    Maybe your “preferences” are blocking you. Consider joining a niche site geared towards a different race or interracial.
    Make friends with other single overweight women who do date and learn from them.