Third date is tricky


Third date is tricky

  • Hayley Matthews Hayley Matthews
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    February 29, 2020 at 2:44 pm #230653
    Third date is tricky

    Dear all,
    I am a 30-year old guy from Seattle, I met this girl on OKcupid a week ago. From the first date, it was clear that things were going well, so we arranged a second date, we had a great time and kissed.

    Things have been more tricky when trying to arrange for a third date. We texted, and I proposed to see each other for a third time, she said yes, we discussed some potential fun activity, and then she proposed to find a music concert and that she would let me know. The day of the date, I asked whether she found something, she said that unfortunately she could not find anything interesting. Then I proposed to go to a movie and/or get a drink, and she replied that, for the time being, she prefers to cancel, and that she would explain to me later.

    For the time being, I did not text back. What is the best thing to do here? What may be happening? Please help!

    February 29, 2020 at 6:09 pm #230657

    “I met this girl on OKcupid a week ago”

    “…I asked whether she found something, she said that unfortunately she could not find anything interesting.”

    “I proposed to go to a movie and/or get a drink…”

    “..she replied that, for the time being, she prefers to cancel, and that she would explain to me later.”

    First of all asking someone out (three) dates {in one week} can make you seem clingy!
    At the very least it sounds like you’re coming on too quickly or ready to get serious.

    Secondly “the day of the date” you had to contact her to see if she found anything. (That’s a “red flag”.)
    If she were “into you” she’d call you and tell you she didn’t find anything but is up for going out anyway.

    The final nail was the use of the words: “for the time being” and she’ll “explain later”.
    {In other words let it go.}

    Odds are there is another guy she’s more interested in or maybe an ex she’s getting back with.
    You have been “benched”!

    Move on and date other girls!
    She knows how to reach you IF she wants to.

    March 1, 2020 at 7:31 am #230663

    I did not ask her out, it came from both of us.

    Anyway, my best guess was that there is an ex who is coming back… I am reassured that you agree about this, maybe I am learning to read the signs! 🙂

    On top of this, this situation makes me think about when it is the best time to open up with people. I had been honest and transparent with her since the first date, and told her some personal things about my situation, because I value honesty. But now, I realize that she has not done the same thing with me, and revealed almot nothing about herself.

    I am not going to reveal that information from the very beginning next time. I don’t care about the ‘rules’.. Honesty must go in both directions.

    March 3, 2020 at 11:35 am #230753

    You’re right to withhold some information early on.
    Truth be told most people don’t reveal their “authentic selves” until they are in a committed relationship.
    In the beginning the goal is to avoid doing or saying anything which might “blow it” with the other person.

    Generally speaking a “first date” is about having fun, finding out if you’re compatible, and have chemistry.
    It’s always best to keep a first date light hearted and not go to deep into each other’s past.
    Questions like what is your favorite? (band, singer, movie, food…etc.) Where do you hope to travel?
    Discussing hobbies and other interests are also appropriate topics for a first date.

    When it’s all said and done if (both people) don’t have a good time on a first date there will not be a second date.
    If there was no “flirtatious banter”, laughter, lingering eye contact, hand holding, or kissing it was probably a bust!

    You may want to read the book: Online Dating Avoid The Catfish! How To Date Online Successfully

    Not many people want their first few dates to be therapy sessions.
    Best wishes!

    March 25, 2020 at 9:12 am #231968

    How long was you on dating sites before you met. just curious because im 29 years old and have been on dating sites for 6 months.