This is a whole new world for me

DATING ADVICE FORUM

This is a whole new world for me

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  • Hayley Matthews Hayley Matthews
    DatingAdvice.com
    October 10, 2019 at 9:01 pm FORUM ANNOUNCEMENT

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    SoCalDreamer
    SoCalDreamer
    Participant
    April 8, 2019 at 5:49 pm #198362
    This is a whole new world for me

    I fell in love HARD with a younger gay bartender. I have never known emotions like these. I had it so bad that I finally came out to family and friends.

    I’ve twice tried asking this guy out, but both times it was awkward and inconclusive.

    The first time I asked if he’d like to get a coffee or a beer or whatever after his shift. He said that he had to work a double shift that day. So I said “OK” and left.

    The second time I fumbled around and asked him out again. I was kinda drunk. So I was stumbling in my words and got all apologetic and said “Oh I’m sorry didn’t mean to put you on the spot, and besides, you’re probably already attached”. He said he wasn’t really. I asked why not? He said something like “because SHE works here”. Maybe I’m not remembering it right. Anyway, it was ambiguous and again, I just said “OK” and left.

    Now I’m wondering if I should try again when I’m totally sober and just say, “hey you wanna go out?” But I’m so scared!

    SoCalDreamer
    SoCalDreamer
    Participant
    April 8, 2019 at 5:52 pm #198363

    (continued)

    This guy drives me so crazy! I really just want to talk with him and get to know him, and let him get to know me. Because at the bar, there just isn’t time to really talk. He’s so busy running around. But how do I get started with him?

    I’ve had two sorta “flubbed” or at least inconclusive attempts at asking him out. I’m not sure, but it seems like both times, he didn’t actually turn me down. Well, maybe indirectly. I don’t know.

    So do I try again? Also — I”m thinking that since maybe he’s not seeming to interested in “dating”, how do I make him understand that I’d be happy to be “just friends”? I mean, really, I’d be thrilled to death to just sit and talk. Ugh, I’m such a noob! Thanks in advance!

    SoCalDreamer
    SoCalDreamer
    Participant
    April 9, 2019 at 8:19 am #198364

    (continued)

    By the way, that whole thing where he mentioned a “she” — I really don’t know what he said exactly, but I’m thinking it was just some decoy move. He doesn’t know that I know that he’s gay. But I found him on Facebook and he for sure is!

    dashingscorpio
    dashingscorpio
    Participant
    April 10, 2019 at 12:48 am #198421

    Clearly he knows you like him.
    However it sounds like there is no mutual interest here.
    If you want to just be friends then chat with him like you would anyone else.

    The more times people see each other the more they get comfortable.
    You probably shouldn’t attempt to ask him out until you’ve established a real acquaintance.

    Last but not least it’s impossible to fall in love with someone you do not know.
    What you’re feeling is infatuation and imagining him being a certain way.
    Maybe after you’ve had several conversations or observed him closely he may not be your type after all.
    Sometimes it only takes one sentence or action from someone to go from “hot” to not.

    SoCalDreamer
    SoCalDreamer
    Participant
    April 10, 2019 at 4:26 pm #198475

    Dashingscorpio, thank you for your feedback. I really appreciate it!

    SoCalDreamer
    SoCalDreamer
    Participant
    May 1, 2019 at 8:37 pm #199651

    I am trying to figure out how to navigate this whole deal.

    I would really like to just have coffee and talk with this guy — as friends.

    But I feel funny about suggesting that, because of the way I’ve acted before when I tried to ask him out on a “date”.

    How do I ask him to go on a “non-date” with me?