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i have had a casual rtshp with a guy for 9 months. casual meaning texted every few days/once a week, but saw each other only once or twice a month/every few weeks. a few months ago he brought up the idea of exclusivity and then we didn’t see each other for 2 months after that convo. granted i didn’t really say yes right away, so maybe his feelings were hurt, but i also pursued him and tried to meet up with him to talk about it more, or just to hang. we finally saw each other again 2 months later – dinner and sleepover. still casual. but sometimes he does things like send me song lyrics – i try not to read into it, but should i be? i try to hang out with him but he doesn’t always have time, so in that way it makes me think that when he’s feeling lonely he sends lyrics or sappy texts, but it doesn’t mean he actually wants to see me or be exclusive/pursue something more serious. i just felt like we weren’t in a relationship that was moving forward, so why would he bring up exclusivity?January 29, 2016 at 9:58 am #92426
was it just to have me be his on call girl when he got lonely? or could he have been feeling it but thought that maybe i wanted a casual thing the last few months as well since i didn’t say otherwise and then when i didn’t jump at the chance for exclusivity he kind of backed away? I’ve been trying to make plans and see him since then and sometimes he’ll hang and sometimes he’s busy. is he just pulling away or is he just not that into me and not prioritizing me?
i know the only way to know is to talk to him, and i will, but just want to hear your thoughts! isn’t it true that if he wanted to make me a priority he would, regardless of how busy he is? and that i shouldn’t read too much into him saying he wants exclusivity, or the texts he sends me, if he doesn’t make time to see me often? or could i have scared him off by not jumping at the chance of exclusivity?
moveonfindtheoneParticipantJanuary 31, 2016 at 12:57 pm #92497
Hey there rubyredgems, hope you are well.
Throughout your last posts, you mostly mention what you think he wants, what he may be thinking, what his actions may mean.
Can I ask you firstly…what do you want? What are your feelings for this guy? You say you see him casually, are you cool with this?
My feeling is, and I know I only have small amount of information to go on, but my feeling is that you should take control. If you are happy for the relationship to stay casual and don’t want any commitment, then tell him. Did you pursue him because you felt guilty, or did you actually want something more from the relationship? And if you do want something more then you need something more solid than him calling/meeting/texting you every now and again. If he says he is too busy then you have your answer!January 31, 2016 at 7:10 pm #92498
yes, i do want more. yeah, i do need to ask him!
moveonfindtheoneParticipantFebruary 1, 2016 at 12:14 am #92505
Go and be brave, and tell him how you feel, and what you want, and deserve, from the relationship. Good luck, I have everything crossed for you, and let me know how you get on!
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