Three months of dating for nothing

DATING ADVICE FORUM

Three months of dating for nothing

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  • Hayley Matthews Hayley Matthews
    DatingAdvice.com
    August 8, 2018 at 5:54 am FORUM ANNOUNCEMENT

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    Zeppydoodah
    Zeppydoodah
    Participant
    July 26, 2018 at 1:53 am #180260
    Three months of dating for nothing

    Hey everyone! Thanks for checking out my thread! So I’ll throw a little backstory for everyone. I met a woman on a dating website. It was long distance but we decided what the heck. We talked for about a month before finally meeting one another. We hit it off real fast. We really clicked and had great chemistry. About two and a half months into this, she tells me that she is having second thoughts. She felt that we were moving too quickly. I agreed and we decided to just go on dates and not stay with one another. Three weeks later, which is now, she says that we are back where we were before and she isn’t comfortable with it. Then tells me that she doesn’t see me enough. We seem to have the same feelings for one another, but I’m a man that desires companionship and if one thing doesn’t work, I put myself out there because I enjoy dating and seeing if I can find someone that is someone I can be with forever. Should I start dating now, or is that disrespectful to her so fast

    dashingscorpio
    dashingscorpio
    Participant
    July 27, 2018 at 3:58 pm #180394

    “..she tells me that she is having second thoughts. {She} felt that we were moving too quickly.”

    “..she says that we are back where we were before and she isn’t comfortable with it.”

    “Should I start dating now, or is that disrespectful to her so fast”

    Everything you have done has been in (reaction) to what SHE wants!
    You’re NOT in an “exclusive relationship’ and thereby you BOTH are free to date other people.

    Secondly long-distance relationships were meant to be temporary. The goal is to be with the person you love.
    When there is no “light at the end of the tunnel” whereby someone will be relocating couples usually drift apart.
    It’s the counting down of the months, weeks, and days until one is finally done with the inconvenience of a LDR that keeps it strong!

    There is no amount of “work” or “communication” that can overcome being with someone who does not want what you want.
    Wish her the best, move on, and don’t try to be friends right away. Use the no contact rule.

    jt7
    jt7
    Participant
    July 27, 2018 at 5:34 pm #180409

    Hey man, that’s a really tough spot. For some reason, the counter-intuitive approach seems to work. Be more distant, yet interested. Do fun things, have her feel like if she’s not with you, she’s missing out. Make her chase you instead of you chasing her. If she really does like you, she’ll chase. If not, well, you’re right back where you are now and that’s okay – because at least you know.

    Zeppydoodah
    Zeppydoodah
    Participant
    July 27, 2018 at 5:41 pm #180411

    @jt7 you hit the nail on the head! I hadn’t contacted her since Wednesday and she just messaged me asking how I was doing. I told her that I was doing ok and that i was spending time with my kids. Then I asked how she was doing. She said she had mixed feelings. I didn’t reply to her and then she texts asking “what are you doing tonight?” What does this mean?

    Monkeyguy8080
    Monkeyguy8080
    Participant
    July 29, 2018 at 9:48 pm #180449

    That’s a tough one. Wish I had better advice

    Kyou420
    Kyou420
    Participant
    July 30, 2018 at 12:43 pm #180491

    @zeppydoodah the girl writing you more and wanting to know what you wanna do tonight is the typical reaction after you kind of ignore a girl on purpose with the goal that she chases after you. Thats the problem with some / many girls , if you give them to much attention they will be anoyed / uncomfortable ( like she said its going to ” fast ” ) so you have to find the right balance between giving her attention and giving her the cold shoulder . after a certain point you dont have to do this childish ignore / attention thing anymore but until then ( in your case with this girl as far as im concerned ) you have to go through this. i wish i had better advice but that is really all u can do , i had similar cases with girls already and i can understand your situation 100 % .

    minnesotadude
    minnesotadude
    Participant
    August 2, 2018 at 11:48 pm #180753

    I think you need to be completely honest with her, and with yourself.