Totally Confused

DATING ADVICE FORUM

Totally Confused

    Author
    Comments
  • Hayley Matthews Hayley Matthews
    DatingAdvice.com
    October 10, 2018 at 10:35 pm FORUM ANNOUNCEMENT

    Hey DatingAdvice.com forum readers! Just a quick heads up that a few dating sites are offering a FREE trial to DatingAdvice forum readers. Try it now and meet local singles in just a few minutes! Here are the sites:

    Site Who You'll Meet Today's Deal
    Match.com Casual dating for ages 18-65 Get FREE access
    Elite Singles Educated professionals 25 and older Get FREE access
    AFF.com Hookups, casual encounters Get FREE access

    What are you waiting for? One mouse click could be all that stands between you and your next romance!

    Totallyconfused
    Totallyconfused
    Participant
    June 7, 2018 at 3:12 pm #176500
    Totally Confused

    I met a man, age 59, on a dating site. We got along great from the beginning, had so much in common, and he had all of the qualities I was looking for in a man…honesty, sincerity, open-minded, great sense of humor. We exchanged numbers and we started talking every night for hours…he would always be the one to call or text. Of course, I would respond, I enjoyed his company so much. Six weeks later, I finally had to ask when we were meeting. He seemed to be content with the phone calls but I wanted more. We finally met and that turned out to be a great thing as well, we spent the entire afternoon together, and he continued to call, and we started dating. He would always call at the last minute though, like the day before and tell me ‘I will see you tomorrow’ – and I was ok with that. Eventually he started spending the night and would stay all weekend. I never said anything, I just adjusted my schedule in order to be with him. I thought we were doing great..but then one day

    Totallyconfused
    Totallyconfused
    Participant
    June 7, 2018 at 3:19 pm #176502

    I made plans for us for the weekend and he told me he wanted to do something by himself. I was devastated because I was really looking forward to this certain weekend. He had already in previous weeks, asked me to help him make plans for us because he was not good at that, he also said he wanted to work on communicating better with me because I had complained about him not staying in touch with me when we had plans, and we had clarified that we were only seeing each other….so when this came up, I brought up the discussion of ‘you seem to be distancing yourself or am I just thinking that? He replied no, not at all, it’s just you thinking that…but as I continued the conversation, he admitted that he was beginning to feel trapped and asked what I wanted, ie, marriage….. I said no, no marriage or live in but I wanted a good strong relationship, something that I could build my feelings on and feel somewhat secure. He quickly said I don’t want a relationship, I want a companion…

    Totallyconfused
    Totallyconfused
    Participant
    June 8, 2018 at 8:35 am #176504

    I told him I needed something a little bit more solid in a relationship and it seemed like we were coming to an end. He moved ahead with his own plans and we didn’t talk for a few days. I then reached out to him in a text and thanked his for his honesty and told him that I hoped we could continue to be friends, a quick reply came back with a yes. A few days later, I reached out again and said I hoped he was enjoying his trip. To my surprise, he responded and said I will call you this evening. True to his word, he did and we had a great conversation like old times. We both seemed excited to talk to one another. We had not gone without talking that long since we had met. He continues to send text messages sporadically but not as consistent as in the past and just friendly little hellos. I really like this man and would like to see if I can make it work but not sure how to approach him without comprising my stand on relationships. Advice please.

    Totallyconfused
    Totallyconfused
    Participant
    June 8, 2018 at 8:35 am #176507

    He moved on with his personal plans, and the next day I text him and thanked him for his honesty and hoped that we could remain friends and he responded yes. A few days later, I text him to say I hoped he was enjoying his trip, and surprisingly he responded with ‘I’ll call you later’ – which he did and we had a great conversation, just like before. He even told me it was great talking with me, and I could tell he missed me. Of course, he would never say it. He was very careful never to say things like that. In closing, he was just as friendly as he used to be in the beginning. He is still keeping in touch with brief (friendly) text messages and pictures of himself but I’m not sure where we are at – at this point, and not sure how to recoup this relationship because to me, we were already in a relationship, we just hadn’t talked about it.

    dashingscorpio
    dashingscorpio
    Participant
    June 10, 2018 at 2:06 pm #176640

    “…he had all of the qualities I was looking for in a man…honesty, sincerity, open-minded, great sense of humor.
    We exchanged numbers and we started talking every night for hours…” You’re attributing traits to someone you really don’t know.

    “… not sure how to recoup this relationship {because to me, we were already in a relationship, we just hadn’t talked about it.}”If you’ve never had “the talk’ it would be a BIG MISTAKE to assume you’re in an “exclusive relationship”.
    You said you met on a dating site. Is his profile still active?
    The first thing one says if seen dating another is; “We never said we were in an exclusive relationship.”
    “he admitted that he was beginning to feel trapped.” If a man WANTS to ONLY be with YOU he doesn’t feel trapped!
    Trapped implies you’re (taking away) his “options” to be free, single, and available to see other women.
    There is no amount of “work” or “communication” that can overcome being with someone who does NOT want what YOU want.