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LotsolurveParticipantApril 20, 2013 at 1:50 am #29232
Hey, I’m 21 years old and have some girl experience, but not a whole lot. I’ve had my fair share of girlfriends in high school, but never completely understood the concept. I was never in a long term relationship before, but I feel if I play this one out right This one could be it.
So about half a year ago I met “Katie” at this local card shop I go to. My first thought of her was that she was very shy, because everytime I saw her in there she never left the front counter. She would always only talk to one person (The shop owner). He is in his early to middle 40s and I am assuming he was able to talk to her because he knows how socialize properly and well… he is the owner of the shop.
Anyway, I found her to be really cute and started hanging around her more. When she would look my way, I would small talk with her. A couple weeks go by and she got comfortable enough to ask me to play a game with her. I of course said, “sure” and we played (Though I sucked terribly at the game.)
So after a month or two we start talking more and enjoying time together outside of the card shop. Here and there she would give very subtle hinting and flirting. I however was able to notice it most of the time and it had me questioning if our feeling was mutual. We start playing games online together and shortly after she gives me her Skype.
I learn she has a couple guy friends she talks to. One being a childhood friend who doesn’t live in the area anymore and the other she met through her childhood friend. I usually get jealous with this sort of thing but this time I just kind of shrugged it off. Turns out she doesn’t show any sort of intimacy or feelings beyond being friends, towards them.
Around this time I also find out she has very strick parents and is not supposed to be associating with guys. At this point I had the feeling she didn’t have a whole lot of experience with the opposite sex. You could tell she didn’t know how to approach “more than friends” feelings towards guys and had absolutely no experience in this department.
Sortly after, one day at the shop, I told her that I like her. She didn’t know how to handle it at all. She just kind of laughed and didn’t say anything. She wouldn’t talk to me the rest of the time at the shop that day. So that night I messaged her telling her again that I do like her. I told her that we can just be friends though.
She didn’t really engage in the topic, she didn’t say if she had feelings towards me or not; I didn’t get any answers from her at least. The entire time we just talked about the experience. Anyway, things were fine at this point, just no answers from her.
About a week later we’re talking about schooling. She brings up that she wants to go to this school near by. It’s one of the schools I’ve been considering myself. She said in a joking manner, “We should get a place together and go there. ” At the time of course I didn’t think she was being serious.
The next day she says to me, “I think you thought I was joking last night when I said we should get a place together and attend.” I told her, “Well, yeah, I did think you were joking.” We talked about it a little more and basically now had plans on moving in together at the end of August. Which is when she returns from her trip to Australia.
As time goes on, we draw closer and closer to eachother. It has me thinking that this is going to happen and really soon for that matter. She touches me any chance she can get, smiles everytime I look at her and responds to my little flirting with her. At this point we are constantly talking about plans on moving in together. She brings up everything as, “We” and “Us” almost like we’re in this together; like we’re more than friends.
One night on Skype, it’s just the two of us. We were talking about the generalization of relationships. She brings up the fact that she’s never been in one, but thinks it wouldn’t be too hard to maintain. She also brings up that if things didn’t work out, being friends afterwards would be awesome. I feel I should have contributed more to this. I basically agreed and threw in a few words of my own. I didn’t think much of it at the time, but now realize what she was hinting at.
So a few more weeks go by and things couldn’t be better. We’d talk a lot and spend most of our days together. We’d both go home and talk on Skype for a while. She’d go to bed and message me and usually we would talk until 3-4 am.
The signs are becoming more clear to me, but I felt like more time was needed. So I just kept doing what I’ve been doing, playing it very slow. I don’t want to rush anything, I looked at it as fragile, considering she’s never had a boyfriend.
So for a few weeks now, we had plans to go to this regional in Philly for a card game. Our goal was to sell our collection to make money for our move. She asked if a friend of ours, “Amy”, could go with us. It made me kind of raise an eyebrow, but whatever, I figured there was a rational explination behind it.
The regional was last Saturday and that whole week approaching it, “Katie” started acting a little weird. This was also the week I told her I found a new job. It seems since I told her that she’s been acting this way.
Saturday rolls around and it’s finally time to go to Philly. So I pick the two of them up and we head to Philly. My car is a piece of shit and 3 miles on the highway I get a flat tire. I didn’t have a spare either. So I got a tow truck to pick up my car, which ment we couldn’t make it to Philly.
The three of us ended up spending the rest of the day at the card shop. It was relatively empty because everyone went to the regional. “Katie” acts the same way she has been towards me. Avoiding me, ignoring me, interacting with me differently. At this point I’m upset because I felt the day was a complete failure. We were really looking forward to this trip. The funds could have really helped with our move.
So “Amy” notices I looked upset and while “Katie” was away from the table, “Amy” says to me, “I’ve already talked to her about it, she’s not mad or upset about the flat tire at all. She knows it’s not your fault and knows you couldn’t do anything about the situation.” She also brought up that “Katie” has feelings for me, but is afraid she wouldn’t be able to provide for me properly and that she wouldn’t know how to handle a relationship because she’s never had this sort of experience before.
That night the three of us go back to “Amy’s” house. I am waiting for my ride as “Amy” brings up the fact that she will take care of me and help me arrange the moving process while “Katie” is in Australia. “Katie” then looks at us and gives us a weird look like, “What are you talking about?” (“Katie” Isn’t very good at expressing how she feels or what she means either, so maybe she just took what “Amy” said the wrong way and responded as such.)
At this point I just wanted to go home and relax so I didn’t say anything. My ride comes and as I leave “Amy” tells me she’ll walk me to the door. So “Amy” walks me to the door and tells me to message her when I get home.
I get home and message her asking if anything happened. “Amy” tells me, that “Katie” is considering extending the move to a later date because I may need more time to be financially stable, since the towing fee was hefty and I just got a job. We talk for a while and “Amy” basically tells me to just relax and take it slow with “Katie”. “Amy” states that “Katie” just is scared about the whole situation, which is probably why she is acting this way towards me. “Katie” just doesn’t have the experience to handle it and she probably has a ton on her mind. “Amy” suggested I give “Katie” some space so she can think things through.
So that’s what I did. I gave “Katie” some space. So a couple days go by and “Katie” texts me (It was card game related.) I told her I will be at the shop soon and we can talk about it there. At this point my father was admitted into the hospital and I just got out from visiting him. The day with her generally went ok. Things wern’t perfect, but she was talking to me again.
Next day rolls along and she’s starting to avoid me at the shop again. We talked a little but not a whole lot because I had to go to work. Finally yesterday rolls around and she completely avoided me at the shop again. We might have exchanged one or two comments towards eachother.
This whole week I’ve been sharing this story with my friends that know her. They all have told me that she’s probably scared to talk to me right now and to just give her time to open up again. They also stated I should be the one engaging on conversation right now and not to wait for her.
So last night I messaged her and asked her if everything was ok and said something seemed wrong. She replied with “No?” and quickly changed the subject. I didn’t want to pressure her so I continued our conversation with what she changed the subject to. She added me to the Skype call she already had going, shortly after. We talked directly to eachother for a bit, but lately I couldn’t say much because my microphone Isn’t working properly and needs replaced.
So now we’re at current time. I understand her situation for the most part. I get it, she’s scared about how I feel and she doesn’t know how to approach me or her feelings at all. I understand I’m the one that needs to make the moves and I need to do them carefully. But I’m not exactly sure how to do that. I Almost feel like I’m stepping on glass with this one.
If you the reader have made it this far, I thank you very much. It’s a lot to read, but I didn’t want to leave out any details. The past six months have been a long, up hill battle for me and I feel it’s not close to being over. I wrote this to see if I could get more opinions or insight on this, because I want this to work. Thank you again.
JonaParticipantApril 21, 2013 at 2:01 am #29234
This is what I would do. Meet with her face to face. And tell her what is on your mind. Tell her that you see what is going on and that you want to talk about it. Help her express herself. By showing that you care what is going on in her mind. Basically, i would demand an explanation. Be real with her. If she will not explain, then give her space. How? By being patient and allowing her to get her self together.
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