University Best-Classmate Situation

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University Best-Classmate Situation

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  • Hayley Matthews Hayley Matthews
    DatingAdvice.com
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    dsw68
    dsw68
    Participant
    September 17, 2018 at 11:23 pm #184489
    University Best-Classmate Situation

    (1) I am 21 and in my 3rd year of engineering studies. There is a girl in all my classes, who is 5 years older than me, already has a college degree, and can absolutely do no wrong, whether her work ethic or GPA. She is Chinese, and does English very well considering 2nd-language with an accent, and while I speak mandarin fluently, English is my main language (I can’t read or write in mandarin). In the past 2 years, we’ve sat beside each other in almost all lectures, and did every single project and lab together. I always thought she was pretty, though never thought this way until a couple weeks ago. Since: our conversations were 90% about school, the age gap and her accomplishments felt “way over the top” for me, and there is a gap between our respective primary languages (so good communication but with some awkwardness, and we don’t text often because of that). As school started this September, I spoke more mandarin with her and she’s opened up a lot about her life besides school.

    dsw68
    dsw68
    Participant
    September 18, 2018 at 12:10 am #184492

    (2) I find her cute now where I can overook those gaps. The situation now is: 1. we are good friends who depend on each other to do well (her less so; she shows appreciation for me in philosophy class and editing technical reports) 2. We’re both so invested in school that it wouldn’t work now 3. I don’t want to wait till graduation to tell her how I feel, as there’s a good chance we never talk again if it’s a no (happened to my once in high school).
    My plan now to tell her (she’s cute and pretty, and I see potential in us together) is in a low-stress time during this study term (after a party, specified in next comment). I also want to put in a disclaimer before or after I say it, that I recognize a low chance to engage now, so if she feels similarly, I suggest we revisit when appropriate, likely in the work/internship term when there’re less commitments outside full time work; if not, we agree in mature discussion to move past and not obstruct our school friendship.

    dsw68
    dsw68
    Participant
    September 18, 2018 at 12:26 am #184493

    (3) background on how this may work: this past weekend we were both invited to a Chinese student party together. We were the two odd ones there since 1. we were the only 2 there who lived off campus with parents, with a curfew around 10-11pm and 2. we both aren’t into parties (certainly like the company, but just not outgoing enough to go regularly, stay the full length, and enjoy it altogether). She drove me there, and back as we both had to leave early first. I also offered to drive her next time there’s an event like this, to which she agreed. From above, I see that next time I drive her as the chance to tell her (next time a party happens is likely to celebrate finishing midterms). So besides suggestions to my plan above (2), from your experiences would it be a good time to tell her how I feel at the end of the drive (dropping her off at her house at 11:30pm with her parents waiting inside?). Thanks to all in advance for reading!

    dashingscorpio
    dashingscorpio
    Participant
    September 20, 2018 at 12:45 pm #184867

    You’re overthinking this too much! Lighten up!

    No one is asking you to decide on whether to cut the “red wire” or the “blue wire”. It’s just a date!
    Just tell her we’ve been working hard all year and suggest you do something FUN for a change.
    Ask her if she’d like to go to a matinee movie and grab a bite to eat afterwards or attend a local festival.

    Her age, accomplishments, and so on has nothing to do with whether she’s attracted to you.
    At this stage you’re just looking to have some fun socially with her. You’re not proposing marriage!

    Last but not least if she does go out with you avoid being boring. (Don’t talk about school or careers!)
    Ask her about her favorite singer/band, favorite foods, funniest thing she ever heard or saw, hobbies, places she’d like to travel to….etc
    Note: If she doesn’t laugh or smile a few times during the date she probably isn’t into you. (romantically)
    Best wishes!