Very close friend I had feelings for has moved on

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Very close friend I had feelings for has moved on

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  • Hayley Matthews Hayley Matthews
    DatingAdvice.com
    February 2, 2020 at 5:04 am FORUM ANNOUNCEMENT

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    rd1988
    rd1988
    Participant
    January 29, 2020 at 8:47 pm #228643
    Very close friend I had feelings for has moved on

    So I’ve known this girl for about a year and a half through some voluntary work we do. She was in an abusive relationship when we met, and a few months later got out of it. Time went by and she moved away and did a placement somewhere else but we still spoke everyday. It was always messenger or phone calls. Our friends and family thought we were actually a couple. We had everything in common and get along like a couple.
    I was always scared to ask her out as we got so close, even though she dropped a few hints that I liked the same things as her etc. Last week she met a new guy on tinder and things have accelerated so I messaged her and told her I was happy for her but also gutted as I had feelings for her. She’s since been angry that apparently the timing was wrong, and refuses to say whether she used to like me or not before. We’ve spoken and cleared the air. I’m struggling to be close friends with her again as I’m really down about it. What should I do?

    rd1988
    rd1988
    Participant
    January 29, 2020 at 8:51 pm #228644

    Just to clarify, we talk on the phone for 2-3 hours some days and constantly chat on messenger. She has severe anxiety and even once told me that I was the only person she replies to on a regular basis.
    The day after I told her how I felt, she put a cryptic tweet out about how she felt like she was “thrown into a tornado” and was stressed. She has confirmed that it was about me.
    What should I do? She says she’s happy with this guy even though they’ve met 3 times, yet he’s a student from another city who will he finished uni within 6 months…

    herkamer63
    herkamer63
    Participant
    January 30, 2020 at 9:55 am #228671

    I understand that feeling of a potentially blossoming relationship, just to have the rug pulled from underneath ya. I also understand the fear to asking a woman out that you liked. One of things that pops in your head is rejection and her telling her friends about how some goofy guy just asked her out (I’m not calling you that, just so we’re clear). That’s normal.

    With that said, take this as a sign, When a woman that you have been building a relationship for awhile suddenly jumps in a relationship with someone else they don’t know well out of the blue without building it with ANYTHING, other than flattery, she’s not the one for you. She lives in another town, and only messaged you, not wanting to get together for a drink to talk once in awhile, also not the one for you. My advice, if there is a female friend you have already, that you have something in common with, call and ask her out instead. I did that, and it’s a MAJOR confidence booster. Give it a try, sir, and good luck!

    dashingscorpio
    dashingscorpio
    Participant
    January 31, 2020 at 2:12 am #228709

    “I was always scared to ask her out as we got so close…”
    That’s how people end up in the “Friend Zone” every time!

    A lot of women need to believe they can have platonic friendships with men.
    Odds are she shared things with you (as a friend) that she never would had if you were dating.
    Finding out some guy she thought was her “friend” is romantically into her seems like a betrayal.

    Now that she knows you desire her she can’t be open and honest about details in her life without worrying about hurting you. In her mind she has lost the rarest type of best friendship that exists: (A straight male with a straight female)

    Having said that you did the right thing.
    The only way to ever get out of the “friend zone” is for one to reveal how they feel.
    It sure beats remaining a tortured soul. It should be YOU who is giving her space by leaving her alone for a while.

    In order for (her) to have been “the one” she would have had to see (you) as being “the one”.
    At the very least a “soulmate” is someone who actually wants to be with you! (And vice versa)
    Move on and pursue other women.

    datinglove
    datinglove
    Participant
    February 1, 2020 at 11:20 am #228767

    I have learned absolutely nothing, nada. I get anxious meeting new people in general so I don’t talk to many girls