Very confused and not sure of best way to deal with this situation.


Very confused and not sure of best way to deal with this situation.

  • Hayley Matthews Hayley Matthews
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    February 28, 2014 at 11:30 pm #48640
    Very confused and not sure of best way to deal with this situation.

    I moved to new job a couple of years ago. I am the boss in my department. A man from another department does some work in my department on occasion. When I first met him I felt an attraction to him, but wasn’t looking for romance. I did mention my attraction for this man to one of the girls who works for me and she mentioned that someone thought that he was attracted to her in the past. She said she was not interested in him in any way. As she is a bi-sexual woman in a commited lesbian relationship and I wasn’t pursuing the man, I didn’t worry about it.

    The man and I have been friendly flirts all along. About 6 months ago the man began flirting with me more seriously. I’m very shy and as I am the boss (not his), I am really careful. We had just about got to the point where I expected him to ask me out when out of left field this woman began throwing herself at him. I have never known her to behave this way.

    I’m really not good at this as I have been single parenting, career focused for the several years. I have no idea anymore if he is encouraging her for the fun of it, trying to make me jealous, just trying to fend off her advances politely or hoping for a threesome. He recently made a joke about his “being in the middle”.

    To completely complicate it all, this woman is my assistant, a very good employee and a good person. I’m very fond of her as a friend and don’t want her to be hurt.

    After the “being in the middle”joke I panicked and abruptly left the room. He called me about an hour later on the pretext of asking something work related.

    My common sense tells me to flat out get out of the situation and leave it at that, but unfortunately I can’t seem to let the attraction go. Help!

    March 3, 2014 at 4:54 pm #48723

    I became engaged to a co-worker for 10 years and recently we broke up and I moved out of the home.
    It was very, very difficult seeing him 5 days a week. It is NOT easy if a break up accures between co-workers.

    My advice is to be only co-workers. There are too many men in the world to choose from and it is better to avoid a sitituation just for maybe a few dates or so….
    think about that?!!

    Don’t get your honey where you get your money!!!

    And stay away from on-line dating!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Nothing but scammers!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    March 4, 2014 at 12:53 am #48761

    Base on my personal experience, having a relationship with someone you work with is fine during the good course of the relationship, but when the relationship turns sour, it became really really difficult because you don’t have a choice because you will be able to see person even if you don’t want to because you work in the same office. But if you have high tolerance to that kind of situation you might survive it but for me it is really devastating.

    March 7, 2014 at 4:25 am #48919

    Seems to me like you need to find out what his true feelings are instead of playing this mind game……

    [email protected]
    April 11, 2014 at 6:09 pm #48743

    This is a delicate situation when dating co-workers. It could possibly work out but you have to keep things professional at work. Your livelihood is on the line and it’s not worth risking it for some fun.

    As you for your assistant, it’s normal. When you’re with a certain group of people all day it becomes its own community. Perhaps she’s jealous or has other motives but don’t let her ruin your life. Keep it professional and if you want things to be serious, let it happen outside the confines of work.