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berlinballParticipantMay 5, 2017 at 11:27 am #135492
I’m 20 years old and am studying abroad in Europe right now. I fell in love with a girl on my program (who also fell in love with me). We talk about everything (even our futures), never fight, and have pretty much hit every emotional level we can.
The only problem is that she says she’s not ready to “date” me or be exclusive. She’s been in 2 long-term relationships in 5 of the past 6 years (one for 3 years, one for 2 years), and the latter of which was abusive. I always tell her that I will give her as much time as she needs. She tells me the reason she isn’t ready is because she needs to be able to “do her” for some time. She isn’t hooking up with other people; she told me that she 99% wasn’t going to this semester because I was enough in that regard, but she still was going to talk to other guys.
She’s 22 and is graduating next semester while I have another 2 years left. She wants me to wait, but I don’t know how long I should wait for. It’s already been 3 months.
richiroParticipantMay 5, 2017 at 11:58 am #135506
Well.. here is the ultimate advice.
Play along.. realize it can’t and won’t be a relationship for a while (and her reasons are very reasonable and i have every reason to believe she’s being honest and truly will not hook up for a while). So don’t push it. Your job is to keep you on her mind and be seen as bf material (whch means do not push it or be clingy!)
What it also means is.. keep your options open and talk to other girls and date them if there is an opportunity. You are being given a free pass to date others and see how that goes to learn just where she stands compared to other options. YOu will be able to see what your chemistry is like with other people to then see just how strong the chemistry with this gal is in the end.
Lastly.. relize there is “friendship” connections and “lovers” connections. You want to definitely be kept in mind and seen as a “lover” connection rather than a “friend” connection — and that means keeping a little distance and making her miss you.
richiroParticipantMay 5, 2017 at 12:02 pm #135507
in other words.. you have to strike that balance and give the impression that…
1. youre interest in her is genuine and real enough that you have some patience and do not have a need to push for anythign with her and can respect her need to “do her” until she’s ready.
2. but that doesn’t give her carte blanche to make you wait forever. you are a desirable guy with options and she should not take that for granted and stop appreciating that you’re willing to allow her in your life.
tricky, but doable and learnable. just don’t cling. play it cool. be cool. be good to her. but don’t be too available and always give her what she wants that she takes it for granted and nkows she can have it anytime she wants with you.
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