Was this guy a Bully? Abusive? Both?

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Was this guy a Bully? Abusive? Both?

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  • Hayley Matthews Hayley Matthews
    DatingAdvice.com
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    Bernie1990
    Bernie1990
    Participant
    January 17, 2019 at 9:20 pm #192908
    Was this guy a Bully? Abusive? Both?

    Hi I saw a guy out recently on a night out who I used to date he had gave me dirty looks and pushed his friend into me. He had a bit to drink by the look of it but still it was a spiteful thing to do and I felt very hurt and still do by him doing that not nice at all! I think he’s annoyed still at me because I gave off to him over Facebook a lot about his behaviour to me while we were dating because he had been very disrespectful to me had said I was a freak! And also tried to pressure me to have sex with him by exposing himself and making me feel uncomfortable then he lashed out calling me useless over and over. So I gave off and he blocked me on Facebook. I saw him on this night out and he kept giving me dirty looks and pushed a guy into me I saw him do it! It wasn’t an accident! I think he wanted a reaction from me and I didn’t react I just walked away. I don’t know how he could be so hurtful to me to think he did that on purpose its just very hurtful. Why was he so hurtful to me?

    Bernie1990
    Bernie1990
    Participant
    January 17, 2019 at 9:28 pm #192914

    Also he had lied about my friend request on Facebook while were dating which I couldn’t understand? Because he has quite a lot of friends on it he knows a lot of people! He had told me my friend request wasn’t showing up which I know was lies but still hurtful as well. I liked this guy a lot I was starting to fall for him and I trusted him I told him I’m still a virgin which was a big thing for me to tell him and he didn’t seem to respect that either and the sad thing is I’d of liked my first time to be with him but I just wasn’t ready for that so early on at the time we were dating. I can’t believe how hurtful though he was I did feel bullied I told him one time over text I felt bullied by him he replied what am I on about and was I serious. I think maybe hes just very immature maybe what do you think? He’s 23 by the way

    dashingscorpio
    dashingscorpio
    Participant
    January 25, 2019 at 1:48 pm #193443

    You both are immature.
    Most guys in their early 20s are not looking to “settle down.” They want to get laid!
    Any woman who does not believe that is naïve and being gullible.
    At that stage in life most men are in relationships by accident or as a requirement to have sex.

    There is no reason why you should be trying to “figure out” an a-hole!
    Let go and move on with your life.

    Enact the “no contact rule” and avoid going places you know he frequents.
    Anyone who disrespects you, calls you names, and pressures you to have sex isn’t good for you.

    What difference does it make to you if he is a “bully or abusive”?
    The lesson in all of this is to always (love yourself enough) to avoid getting involved with guys like him.

    Each of us chooses our own friends, lovers, and spouse.
    Each of us has our own mate selection/screening process and “must haves list”
    Each of us has our boundaries and “deal breakers”.

    “Never love anyone who treats you like you’re ordinary.” – Oscar Wilde

    GJ
    GJ
    Participant
    January 26, 2019 at 7:49 am #193481

    Hi there. In reading your post I can feel how hurt and disappointed you are feeling. It sounds like this young man has a great deal of inner conflict and can benefit from some therapeutic intervention. The good news is that he represents only one type of young man in society. It is true that sex is a very strong drive in not only young adults, but all healthy adults at any age. The issue is not the desire for sex, without it there would be not future for our species, it is how we recognize it and interact with it. there a many great young men out there who are interested in a healthy relationship.

    The young man you describe has aggression weaved together with sex, and love. He acts out because of his internal conflicts. The issue is you have a hostile connection that is still alive within you connected to this young man.
    1. What attracted you to this young man in the first place?
    2. What red flags did you not want to see when you were dating?
    I look forward to your responses.

    Weedle
    Weedle
    Participant
    January 26, 2019 at 11:02 am #193500

    From what it sounds like he just wanted a one off fling and is trying to punish you for choosing not to go straight for a relationship you weren’t ready for but sounds like he wanted. (but yes he sounds less like a bully and is more a sadist or just plain asshole) You made the right choice in not giving satisfaction to his action and you are obviously someone of higher dating standards you want a slow and steady relationship and he wanted a fast and possibly disposal or unstable relationship so your standards don’t match. He also sounds like he has issues he needs to work out before he should think about a relationship after all a forced/fear driven relationship isn’t a relationship. Also if he continues to harass you report to the police after all harassment is a crime also please look in to your local laws to see what all classifies as harassment . 🙂 good luck in your endeavor to figure out love and life .

    carajane
    carajane
    Participant
    February 4, 2019 at 8:21 am #194085

    Don’t think about him. Some people are just as***oles and you should really forget about him. He seems like the player type, that doesn’t settle, is agressive and doesn’t take no for an answer. So… my advice keep the distance from him…