We broke up but decided to stay friends. Help please.

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We broke up but decided to stay friends. Help please.

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  • Hayley Matthews Hayley Matthews
    DatingAdvice.com
    October 10, 2018 at 1:36 am FORUM ANNOUNCEMENT

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    maka55
    maka55
    Participant
    September 30, 2018 at 10:13 pm #185783
    We broke up but decided to stay friends. Help please.

    After a fight one day, we talked and i was ready to break up with my bf of a year but he told me he wants to do better by me. He apologized and professed his love, saying there is no one else he would rather be with and we always would talk about marriage and children. A week later he was acting weird so we met up and he told me he doesn’t want a relationship right now and is not happy and needs to figure out his life. It was an amicable break up even though he was teary eyed and didn’t seem like he really knew what he wanted. I told him we should stop sharing locations and he said he wasn’t planning on it. We have been broken up for 3 weeks and went to a baseball game and then the gun range. Acted like a couple, slept together. When i asked him if hes happier, he said he likes to not worry about anyone and not having to do any upkeep. I feel like i am allowing him to have his cake and eat it too but it is really hard for me to unshare the location and completely cut him off. Thoughts?

    MiaSara
    MiaSara
    Participant
    October 1, 2018 at 8:50 am #185786

    Hi- I am sorry you are going through this. He sounds confused to me and it appears he does not know what he wants. One thing I have learned is that when a man states he “does not want a relationship right now”- believe him! I think you need to be clear about what you want and then stick to that. Since it appears you two broke up and did not reconcile as a couple- I would personally back way up and give him space. His statements of “likes to not worry about anyone” and “not having to do upkeep” are telling. You two are not on the same page right now. Protect your heart.

    dashingscorpio
    dashingscorpio
    Participant
    October 2, 2018 at 12:16 pm #185935

    “..i was ready to break up with my bf ”
    “he doesn’t want a relationship right now and is not happy and needs to figure out his life.”
    We have been broken up for 3 weeks and went to a baseball game and then the gun range. Acted like a couple, slept together.
    “…it is really hard for me to unshare the location and completely cut him off.”

    In order to move on you have to let go.
    You’re not being honest with yourself when you said you were “ready” to breakup with your boyfriend.
    If you were ready to breakup and move on you would not have gone out on a date and had sex with him.

    It’s unrealistic to expect to go from being “red hot lovers” to “platonic friends” resembling siblings.
    The “No Contact Rule” is designed to give people space and time to truly adjust to not being with someone.
    The best friendships between exes usually occurs after a large gap in time where both people have found a new love.

    Exes hanging out and having sex usually leads to someone getting hurt.

    TWill21
    TWill21
    Participant
    October 5, 2018 at 2:32 am #186235

    Yeah, this needs to end. You are letting him have his cake and eat it too. He wants to have no strings but he also doesn’t want you to be single and doing those things with someone else. I am sure he is going thru some issues but shame on him! He should be asking you to do that if that’s what he’s intending. He is the wrong guy for you, I’m sorry but he needs to go. If he wants to be on his own, he needs TO BE ON HIS OWN. Period.

    richiro
    richiro
    Participant
    October 5, 2018 at 5:31 pm #186399

    well, then you’re willing to give him his cake and eat it too.
    if it’s over, then end it. it sounds like its over.

    in truth he’s playing (whether he realizes it or not) a dangerous game of yes yes yes, no no no. gimme gimme gimme, but we can’t be together ogether together.

    this is the worst person to be with. you need unshare, separate your lilfe from him. and move on. you’ll undersatnd much more clearly why later when you’re not stuck on him.