We broke up but everything's the same

DATING ADVICE FORUM

We broke up but everything's the same

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  • Hayley Matthews Hayley Matthews
    DatingAdvice.com
    November 11, 2018 at 6:21 pm FORUM ANNOUNCEMENT

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    compek
    compek
    Participant
    June 4, 2018 at 2:35 am #176031
    We broke up but everything's the same

    My partner of 3 years recently broke up with me out of nowhere – he has some commitment issues and just bought a house and freaked out a little about getting older. We tried doing the whole breakup thing but it didn’t work, we’re now 6 weeks into the ‘break up’ and everything’s exactly the same as it was, we’re also not talking to anyone else either.

    I asked him if he wanted to get back together and he said he wasn’t ready yet, which I didn’t understand as we are together still just without the title. I need advice on how to go about this as I obviously find it so confusing and weird but I’m trying to be patient and understanding of his commitment phobia. I’m willing to wait for him because I love him but I also don’t want to come across as a pushover who will just always be here while he does him.

    We’re still young only 22 and 24, how do I say i want to get back together while being sensitive to his phobias, or your opinion on the situation?

    dashingscorpio
    dashingscorpio
    Participant
    June 9, 2018 at 8:32 pm #176621

    At ages 22 and 24 for my advice to you is to move on.
    To be honest with you most guys in their 20s are in no hurry to become their parents.
    The thought of settling down/getting married, signing a 30 year mortgage, and having children is like watching their lives flash before their eyes!
    Most guys in their 20s want to establish a career, travel/explore, party with friends, watch sports, play video games, and get laid.

    You said: “I asked him if he wanted to get back together and he said he wasn’t ready yet..” In other words he said; NO!
    Essentially he’s got you (riding the bench) while he explores other options! It’s your fault if you waste your time after being told (no).
    A lot of men see their 20s as a time for enjoying being single. You guys were essentially teenagers when you met.
    If he were honest with you he would tell you it’s not “commitment phobia” he just doesn’t believe (you) are “the one”.
    “Never love anyone who treats you like you’re ordinary.” – Oscar Wilde

    mikahaka
    mikahaka
    Participant
    June 12, 2018 at 7:50 am #176769

    My advise is to clarify the situation of the “brake up” -if it is so, you should not be acting like nothing happened.
    Maybe it would be nice to try to clarify this with him!