We have quite the dilema

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We have quite the dilema

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  • Hayley Matthews Hayley Matthews
    DatingAdvice.com
    April 4, 2019 at 3:28 pm FORUM ANNOUNCEMENT

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    chriscaruso1
    chriscaruso1
    Participant
    April 4, 2019 at 9:54 pm #198205
    We have quite the dilema

    My girlfriend of two years and I split up two weeks ago. It was a nasty breakup, I caught her cheating on me, hearing from a mutual friend. This may seem like a rather cookie cutter answer, but I can’t just leave her. She decided to pursue the guy she cheated on me with. I know, I should probably just let them do their thing right? Wrong. I went three days with little to no contact, and every other day, she would text me asking me for help. In my head I’m thinking “If she’s with somebody else, why can’t she just bother him?”

    This is because she has BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder), which is something I used to help her with when we were together. I feel like it’s my duty to help her with her problem, but I know deep inside that relationships with someone who has BPD are very up and down. I guess I can’t really get past her yet, and I’m just wondering what I should do. Does she still love me? Does she want me back but doesn’t say it because she’s guilty for what she did?

    Jam1234
    Jam1234
    Participant
    April 6, 2019 at 10:16 am #198232

    I think you need to leave her. It’s hard to end a relationship especially with so much time invested but I think it’s clear she doesn’t appreciate you like you appreciate her. Breakups are brutal at first but you will look back and be proud and stronger. My older sister has BPD and it’s a very hard disorder to live with and it’s not your duty to help her. Bpd is not an excuse for cheating. If she truly loved and cared for you like you do, after xhearing she would’ve done everything in her power to prove that he meant nothing to her and you’re her only love, instead she continued to choose him.

    dashingscorpio
    dashingscorpio
    Participant
    April 6, 2019 at 3:54 pm #198239

    She’s cheated on you, she’s pursuing the other guy, and using you for emotional support.
    It’s now the other’s guy responsibility to be her shoulder to lean on.
    You have to “let go” in order to “move on”. At this point you don’t want to let go.
    If she thought you were so incredible she never would have cheated on you.
    There is a difference between being needed and (wanted). She doesn’t want you.
    Love yourself enough to know you deserve to be with someone who doesn’t use and betray you.

    “Never love anyone who treats you like you’re ordinary.” – Oscar Wilde

    Suffering is optional.

    sundance31
    sundance31
    Participant
    April 7, 2019 at 4:39 pm #198251

    I personally have a zero-tolerance policy when it comes to cheating, and I believe you should apply the same in this particular instance. No matter how likely it may seem like that kind of thing won’t happen again, I strongly believe cheaters should not be given a second chance under any circumstances.

    As for assisting with her in terms of her illness, I would do a self-evaluation about how you personally feel about helping her: Is it affecting your own mental health in a negative way? Are the wounds from the relationship still sore? I’d say if the answer is ‘yes’ to any of those, you should just be upfront and say that you can’t be of assistance to her.