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mickey9694ParticipantMarch 22, 2018 at 3:04 pm #168171
I’m 30, she’s 28. Dating this girl for about 3 mnths now. We’re exclusive (had the talk), sex is very good and she even left a few toys over my place. We’re also on the same page with expectations-we’re both looking for something serious. Dating apps have been deleted on both sides. But she doesn’t want the title of girlfriend-at least not yet-she said “literally nothing would change if we made it official since we’re basically in a relationship”, but doesn’t feel right with the title, right now. Keeps telling me to give her some time. A few days ago I brought up why, she came from an emotionally abusive relationship before me, so she is “scared to let me in”. What really makes me uncertain about her is her ex called us while we were in the middle of dinner last week. She showed me him calling on the phone, and told me she blocked him a few weeks back (they broke up in August), but obviously not.
I want someone to do fun things with, but not if they’re playing games. What should I do?
jasey012ParticipantMarch 23, 2018 at 12:47 pm #168303
Hi, it sounds like you have found someone that you like which is great. Women coming from past abusive relationships can often find it very difficult to let go of their previous relationships as there may well have been a strong ‘control’ element. This is often the reason why abused women may go back to previous relationships because they have been manipulated into thinking that they will be unable to cope without this person in their lives.
I would suggest that you are patient and try your best to understand her perspective. At the same time, you should value yourself enough that you know in yourself that you shouldn’t tolerate being messed around and are able to walk away if necessary. Concentrate on your own feelings of inner strength and confidence. Women are less attracted to ‘neediness’. Love her, but be confident in yourself as you are, with or without a relationship. Be patient and talk to her, but be prepared to walk away.
mickey9694ParticipantMarch 27, 2018 at 2:39 pm #168598
TY for your input she agreed to be my girlfriend. It was random but she popped the question to me. I’m not worried anymore =] hahaha
jerrygordon3ParticipantMarch 29, 2018 at 1:52 pm #169017
I completely agree with PRW.
The more objective I’ve gotten with dating the more i realize i always come out on top. whether or not you think it, dating, relationships, they’re all a power struggle. That doesn’t mean manipulation. BUT, push, pull. Don’t be so quick to show your underbelly just because she’s a girl that you like that just so happens to like you back. You have plenty of options, and YOU are wants most important, not making her happy. Maybe she’s sincere, maybe she’s conflicted. Maybe she still loves her ex. If she has only been single for less than 6 months, she may be a great girl and honest, but trust your gut feeling. IF you feel like she is keeping you at a distance, it’s okay for you to act like a man, and not talk about deep stuff. Keep it casual, play it cool, enjoy the relationship, and don’t sabotage it because she isn’t living up to YOUR expectations. Its not her job to make YOU happy or give you what YOU want if she isn’t ready. What would Chuck Norris do?
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