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jbm828ParticipantJune 10, 2019 at 2:29 pm #201794
I have been out of the dating world for 13 years by choice. I have focused on raising my daughter and as an only parent I thought it was important to not parade men in and out. I am somewhat young, 33, and have tried the free apps like plenty of fish. I have talked to so many men and made it clear i am not looking for a hookup. I talked to one guy for 3 weeks. Met him twice and we talked daily for hours. He ghosted me. Next guy, we had a date Friday night. Went to a music show. Walked for a couple hours and hit a couple bars. He did spend the night…maybe that was a mistake but if the mood feels right. Why do we have to wait? Well, we texted the morning he left and then nothing. I dont get it. Do men really go to this much work for just sex? If I just wanted sex I certainly dont need an app and these men are good looking men so they dont need an app either. Are my expectations to high? I am not looking to jump into a relationship.but cant they just say if they aren’t interested?
franktParticipantJune 10, 2019 at 6:24 pm #201819
What are the ages of these men ? What topics did you discuss with these men ? What subjects did he bring up ?
Other than the POF site, did you meet these men off any other sites ?
There are certain sites that are “hookup” sites no matter what you state in your profile.
“He did spend the night”
That certainly elevated expectations on his part.
jbm828ParticipantJune 10, 2019 at 6:31 pm #201820
The 2 men in particular are 36. I met both off of POF. We talked about our pasts, present and future.. our experiences with the app good and bad. We talked about life in general. With the most recent one he talked about being single for the past 7 months. He took a hiatus from dating. He talked about his hobbies and love for the outdoors. He asked about my life. What interests and hobbies I have. He asked about my daughter and her dad.
dashingscorpioParticipantJune 14, 2019 at 1:30 pm #202121
I have never had a one night stand where the sex was off the charts!
If I didn’t come back for seconds it was probably just so-so or average.
“If I just wanted sex I certainly dont need an app and these men are good looking men so they dont need an app”
You could say the same thing about say the same thing about those looking for a relationship who are good looking.
The purpose of an app is to meet NEW people. What happens after that is between those who engage.
Online dating apps and sites are just a (tool) for meeting new people.
Just as a fork is a tool for eating. It can be used to eat a garden salad or a slice of double fudge chocolate cake.
However no obese person would ever blame their for fork for their weight gain!
And yet people who have bad dating experiences with those they met online will blame the online dating industry.
If you are having one bad experience after another you probably need to reexamine your mate selection process.
The only thing all your failed
dashingscorpioParticipantJune 14, 2019 at 1:58 pm #202122
…relationships have in common is (you).
Each of us (chooses) our own friends, lovers, and spouse.
Each of us has our mate selection/screening process and “must haves list”. Nothing happens until you say “yes”.
Secondly what you want should dictate where you shop.
Maybe the kind of man YOU want would not join a free app/site like POF.
Lastly just because someone doesn’t want a relationship with YOU doesn’t mean they don’t want one.
I’m sure you’ve met people looking for more and felt they weren’t “the one”.
Very few men are going to turn down having sex with an attractive woman so you shouldn’t be “shocked” by that.
It also shouldn’t come as shock that a man usually only approaches women they would have sex with.
“I have talked to so many men and made it clear i am not looking for a hookup.”
“He did spend the night…maybe that was a mistake but if the mood feels right. Why do we have to wait?”
Sounds like YOU aren’t clear!
If you’re just in the mood no regrets!
- This reply was modified 2 months, 1 week ago by dashingscorpio.
BrewsterParticipantJune 14, 2019 at 2:47 pm #202125
Bad news… There are a lot of guys looking for only sex, and yes, they will take you out on a date or two or three just to get it. I don’t know what advice to give other than making sure there is a very strong connection and make sure he’s looking for a permanent relationship.
dabuforaParticipantJune 16, 2019 at 11:47 am #202204
I’ve been ghosted by women as well, things went great, they wanted another date and then poof.
Some of them deleted their accounts. Some would only message over a certain way then disappear.
With my life situation and some relationship complications, I do sometimes have to ghost (well I don’t have to but I thought I did), and honestly there was a time I just wanted some deviant fun and NSA hookups… when it came down to progressive dating I just wouldn’t let people in and would ghost them.
Now that I want more, and I’m not sure my life situation is great for that, I’m getting ghosted more often (ironic laugh). So of course guys will go through a lot for a hookup, they may like you but have a more convenient relationship with someone else, or they’re just afraid they’ll be judged on something and rejected for not living up to societal expectations.
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