What do I do?

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What do I do?

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  • Hayley Matthews Hayley Matthews
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    March 10, 2019 at 5:24 am #196295
    What do I do?

    I went on a few dates with a girl who lives about 100 miles from me. we would meet up at a restaurant halfway and had great conversation and a good connection. However, this girl was a terrible texter and didn’t really initiate texts with me. I had never met somebody who was so different via text versus in person.

    Then I met another girl who I hit it off with and so I basically stopped talking to the other girl. A few months go by and things with the new girl didn’t work out. I assumed my chances with the other girl were also done since I essentially ghosted her. I completely forgot that the old girl followed me on Snapchat. Then she randomly responded to one of my stories ten months after we had last spoken and asked how I was doing. After a few messages she asked if I wanted to meet up again. So we met up halfway again and had a great time and at the end of dinner we kissed for a bit. We decided to meet up again over the weekend and chill at her place

    March 10, 2019 at 5:25 am #196296

    We spent a whole Saturday talking and watching random comedies that we both loved mixed in with wine and make out sessions. I wasn’t drunk but I wasn’t sober either and I figured she would at least let me crash her place even if it didn’t mean hooking up but she made me leave. I was a little annoyed since it was an almost 2 hour drive back and so I sat in my car for a little while when she went to sleep so that I could sober up. Anyway, I drive past where she lives often because it’s on the way and halfway to where my family lives. Over the last 3 months we’ve met up a few times for dinner as I drove past her place. Each time we have a really fun, jolly time that ends with a little bit of kissing at the end. She has been insistent on taking turns paying so i Don’t think she’s using me for food lol. But we don’t really text much between meet ups. I travel quite a bit myself but she goes out of town to hang out with friends pretty often so I don’t really see her that often.

    March 10, 2019 at 5:32 am #196299

    She’s a very funny girl with a good job and is clearly a very family oriented person who likes to take things slow. I appreciate and respect that, but at the same time I have no idea where this is going. I’ve technically known her for over a year, gone on about 7 or 8 dates with her, 5/6 of which since the middle of November. She hasn’t come to my city yet. She hasn’t invited me to stay over. I did ask if she wanted to go hiking and she said she knew the perfect spot that’s halfway but she is gone the next two weekends. Am I wasting my time here? What should I ask her to indirectly probe for where this is going? I feel weird asking a girl I donโ€™t text much or have only gone to second base with as to where this is going.

    rosequartz
    rosequartz
    Participant
    March 10, 2019 at 7:43 am #196302

    If you’re worried about wasting time, first sit down and ask yourself this: Can you imagine spending the rest of your life with this girl? Do you want to have a relationship with her?

    If you’re uncomfortable with asking her where this is going, then you don’t have to. It’s not the only way to deal with this. She must have some sort of interest in you if you’ve been going on dates, so handle things carefully & don’t rush! Make sure she’s comfortable around you. You mention you appreciate/respect her wanting to take it slow; show that ๐Ÿ™‚

    So you said that you’ve been to her place which was two hours over, she’s never been to your city, and that she goes out of town to hang out with friends. Have you tried inviting her over to your place, rather than meeting halfway or going to hers? See what happens, see if she wants to stay after your date, or if she decides to take the 2 hour drive back home, like you had to do with her. That’s what I’d suggest you do ๐Ÿ™‚

    Wishing you all the best!

    dashingscorpio
    dashingscorpio
    Participant
    March 10, 2019 at 3:06 pm #196314

    “Am I wasting my time here? What should I ask her to indirectly probe for where this is going?”

    Relax! With only (8) dates,it’s way too early for either of you to be asking where this is going!
    Keep your options open by going out and dating other women.
    There is no such thing as being “exclusive friends”. Odds are you are not the only guy she’s going out with.

    Enjoy things the way they are and if she starts showing interest in coming to visit you then there’s a possibility.
    In the meantime enjoy the make-out sessions. Maybe soon she’ll want to go all the way.

    As for texting it’s important to remember the primary function of a phone is to have (vocal conversations)!
    It’s also a far more intimate form of communication hearing one’s voice, tone, inflection, laughter, and so on.
    Texting is cold and distant by comparison. Generally speaking you text those you don’t want to talk to.
    It’s a great way to avoid having an actual conversation with someone.

    bullschamp180
    bullschamp180
    Participant
    March 11, 2019 at 2:46 am #196329

    I seems like you have great thing going, just try to escalate it a little and see what happens.

    March 11, 2019 at 8:42 am #196297

    She’s a very funny girl with a good job and is clearly a very family oriented person who likes to take things slow. I appreciate and respect that, but at the same time I have no idea where this is going. I’ve technically known her for over a year, gone on about 7 or 8 dates with her, 5/6 of which since the middle of November. She hasn’t come to my city yet. She hasn’t invited me to stay over. I did ask if she wanted to go hiking and she said she knew the perfect spot that’s halfway but she is gone the next two weekends. Am I wasting my time here? What should I ask her to indirectly probe for where this is going? I feel weird asking a girl who I have only gone to second base with as to where this is going.

    dashingscorpio
    dashingscorpio
    Participant
    March 11, 2019 at 5:58 pm #196461

    “I feel weird asking a girl who I have only gone to second base with as to where this is going.”

    You should feel weird about that because 7-8 dates does not constitute a relationship!
    At the very least wait until after you’re having sex on a {regular basis} before having the “What are we?” conversation.

    Knowing of someone for a year is not the same as dating and making out with them.
    You don’t get to pretend you’ve been together for a year when in fact it’s only been 7-8 dates.

    Getting to know someone is not a waste of time. It’s the only way to figure out if you’re right for each other.
    Waiting around for two weeks to see if the spark remains is a waste of your time when there is NO relationship.
    As I stated you should be going out with {other women} while you see whether or not things evolve.
    Being too {emotionally invested} in someone after so few dates is rarely a good thing.