What happened to him?

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What happened to him?

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  • Hayley Matthews Hayley Matthews
    DatingAdvice.com
    September 9, 2019 at 2:18 pm FORUM ANNOUNCEMENT

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    Darkdreamer
    Darkdreamer
    Participant
    May 27, 2019 at 8:31 am #201107
    What happened to him?

    Hi guys, I am really puzzled about my boyfriend and would love to hear your advice.

    So, we met almost two months ago on hinge. The chat was going great and we quickly started talking on the phone for several hours a day, every day. After a while we met for the first time and it was lovely too. I could feel a genuine connection with him and he admitted to feel the same way. He told me about his ex, they were together since he was 14 up until last year when she broke up with him after 2 years of being engaged. He said that during the past year he was trying casual dating (aka hookups I guess?) but he said he was ready to engage in something meaningful and long term. We were on the phone the night before our first date and he confessed that during the time we were chatting he hooked up with another girl, supposedly because she manipulated him. (I don’t know and will never know if it’s true so I cant be sure but come on, he’s 23, he can say no). But I thought, okay, we weren’t exclusive

    Darkdreamer
    Darkdreamer
    Participant
    May 27, 2019 at 8:35 am #201108

    So I can’t act like a drama queen. Then, we met a couple more times and it was genuinely amazing. I went to his friends party with him, we had lots of laugh, intimacy (but not sex) and we were both very optimistic about the future. Then, last weekend, he came to visit me. And it was really good, he only said hes been getting flashbacks of his ex recently and it puts him in a weird mood. I said it’s okay and I asked him to let me know if I can help anyhow to make him feel better. Then, we watched some Netflix and were cuddling and everything was fine. But as it was getting later, he suddenly got very cold. He didn’t even hug me or tell me goodnight, the enxt day he didn’t even look at me, he didn’t want to say anything more about those flashbacks and although he was meant to stay until 9pm and catch the last train back home, he left at 2 pm without explanation why and what happened specifically. He only said his friend asked if he wanted to go out that nighr but come in, don’t sell me

    dashingscorpio
    dashingscorpio
    Participant
    May 27, 2019 at 5:22 pm #201123

    “we met almost two months ago on hinge..”
    “He told me about his ex, they were together since he was 14… he’s 23″
    ” she broke up with him after 2 years of being engaged.”
    “he confessed that during the time we were chatting he hooked up with another girl, ”
    “hes been getting flashbacks of his ex recently and it puts him in a weird mood.”

    First of all you’ve only known this guy for 8 weeks.
    Sounds like you’ve been together in person 4 times. He’s NOT your “boyfriend”.
    There is no mention of the two you deciding to be an “exclusive couple”
    Be honest with yourself. Does he call you his “girlfriend”?
    Essentially you’ve just been “hanging out” and both of you should keep your options open.

    Secondly at age 23 very few guys are truly ready to settle down.
    The only reason he was engaged to his ex is because she’s the only girl he’d been involved with for 9 years!
    Had she not dumped him he would have NEVER met YOU! He wants to get back with his ex.
    If she called him he’d fly over to her in a heartbeat. Yo should avoid (rebound) dating!

    Darkdreamer
    Darkdreamer
    Participant
    May 28, 2019 at 8:24 am #201109

    Bs that you go out in the middle of the day. Anyway, I started crying because I was shocked how drastically his behaviour changed and how he suddenly appeared as a completely different person. He only said he was t sure he was ready for a relationship. I asked him to tell me if he wants me to leave him but he said he didn’t know. He hugged me as I was crying and shaking and just left saying he’ll text me soon. I totally fell apart. Called my mum and she said I shouldn’t get into something that complicated from the very beginning. In the evening he only texted me asking if I was okay and he still didn’t explain what the heck happened. I haven’t replied, I don’t know what to do. I like him but I can’t believe why he behaved that way without even explaining. Should I just leave him and get over it as he doesn’t seem convinced that he knows what he wants and is ready for or should I give him time? I only want to say I made real effort from the beginning and he didn’t try to reciprocate

    Darkdreamer
    Darkdreamer
    Participant
    May 28, 2019 at 8:24 am #201110

    Bs, 2hi goes out in the middle of the day! So, I started crying and shaking, he only hugged me and said he would text me soon. And that was it. I tried to ask him what can I do and stuff but he didn’t wa t to talk about it, not even looked at me. He was a completely different person. Now, what should I do? I really like him but it seems to me he is not convinced what he wants and is ready for. Should I stay or should I go? Maybe he will throw those tantrums every time we meet for. Now on?

    sk123
    sk123
    Participant
    May 28, 2019 at 8:24 am #201118

    I think he’s not over his ex. You said he’s TWENTY-THREE and they started dating at FOURTEEN?? That’s 8 years together since you said they broke up last year. And to add on, they were engaged, so he was even more attached. And im guessing he proposed, based off the fact that most guys propose, but the girl could have also, but either way it’s super special. I think you should definitely find someone who loves you without “having flashbacks of his ex.”

    Pheonix
    Pheonix
    Participant
    May 28, 2019 at 6:56 pm #201240

    It’s super hard but I think you’ve got to try your best to move on or at least try not to feel something for him anymore. He’s still coming out the relationship and it was a bug one too, he thought he’d spend the rest of his life with her. It’s difficult but I think it’s better for you to leave x

    dashingscorpio
    dashingscorpio
    Participant
    May 29, 2019 at 11:14 am #201291

    “Go where you are celebrated – not tolerated. If they can’t see your true value and worth then it’s time for a new start.”
    – Anonymous