what is going on – should I give up or keep trying…

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what is going on – should I give up or keep trying…

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    patrickwednesday
    patrickwednesday
    Participant
    March 14, 2019 at 12:17 pm #196715
    what is going on – should I give up or keep trying…

    Hi – will try to keep this as brief as possible but its a long story… I met a girl at work about 16 months ago and immediately we both felt a strong connection. Our kissing and chemistry was just off the scale. I was in the middle of going through a divorce, we kept meeting and ending up in bed together but originally she didn’t want to go further until my divorce completed and I lived alone. We did have some issues during this time, she lied to me a few times about trying to meet single guys at times we didn’t meet for a while.

    After five months, the connection got stronger so we decided to be a couple and meet regularly etc. After 10 months, I got a new job and had to move 450 km away… she wasn’t happy but agreed to support this. My divorce still hadn’t completed by this time…. 1 month after I moved away, she got frustrated at the lack of time together and we had a cold couple of weeks. She decided to go to a single party with her friend, I only found out via a mutual friend.

    afireblue
    afireblue
    Participant
    March 14, 2019 at 12:54 pm #196720

    Why don’t you ask her directly? are you afraid what her answer might be.

    Me personally I rather know. Are you in or out!?

    afireblue
    afireblue
    Participant
    March 14, 2019 at 12:54 pm #196727

    If I were you I would just ask her directly… maybe you are afraid of what her response will be. But in my opinion, it’s better to know than to keep wondering

    dashingscorpio
    dashingscorpio
    Participant
    March 15, 2019 at 2:10 pm #196879

    Originally you were not truly available because you were married (and still living with your wife).
    Now you are “geographically undesirable” 450 km or close to 300 miles away.

    You said: ‘ she wasn’t happy but agreed to support this.” (And your divorce had not completed)
    “she got frustrated at the lack of time together.”

    Are you really shocked that she is keeping her options open???
    Odds are she feels like you are stringing her along. Thus far YOU have NEVER been fully available to her.

    Once the divorce would conclude {she thought} you’d become a loving couple finally living out the “fairytale”.
    However you poured water on the flame by announcing you’re taking a job and moving (four hours) away.

    LDRs are meant to be temporary! The goal is to be (with) the one you love!
    Whenever there’s no realistic “light at the end of the tunnel” for a long distance relationship couples drift apart.
    It’s the counting down of the months/weeks/days until one is finally done with the inconvenience of being in a LDR that keeps it strong!

    dashingscorpio
    dashingscorpio
    Participant
    March 15, 2019 at 2:24 pm #196881

    If you want this relationship to work long-term one of you will have to relocate.
    The only reason for being in a long distance relationship is the belief that you’ve found “the one”.
    If you’re just dating someone for the FUN of it or passing the time you may as well do that locally.

    Be honest with yourself.
    After 16 months of messing around you should know if you REALLY want to settle down with her or not.
    If the answer is (no) you might have to adjust to being “friends with benefits” or a “booty call” when you’re in town.
    Odds are she’ll eventually fall for a guy in her own area who will (choose HER) as being his top priority.

    No one could blame you for not wanting to get married again so quickly after just getting divorced.
    Your options are to (have her move in with you) or you find a job where she is if you want this to work.
    Clearly a long distance relationship is not going to “work” for (her). She’s fed up with “obstacles”.

    Best wishes!

    smith2828
    smith2828
    Participant
    March 15, 2019 at 4:39 pm #196886

    Keep trying. You never know until you truly try.

    Abaco
    Abaco
    Participant
    March 15, 2019 at 4:39 pm #196887

    I agree with afireblue, I would just ask her were you guys stand. Talking it out is always the best answer.

    Jmanster
    Jmanster
    Participant
    March 19, 2019 at 12:38 am #197035

    I would ask her directly.

    • This reply was modified 6 months ago by Jmanster Jmanster. Reason: mispelled word
    Atomika
    Atomika
    Participant
    March 24, 2019 at 6:57 pm #197517

    When in doubt, ask.

    rosealie7
    rosealie7
    Participant
    March 24, 2019 at 11:52 pm #197520
    Reply To: what is going on – should I give up or keep trying…

    I would ask straight out. make an effort to take her out to dinner and ask

    augu0075
    augu0075
    Participant
    March 28, 2019 at 4:51 am #197808
    Reply To: what is going on – should I give up or keep trying…

    Definetly ask her, and tell her how you feel about it

    anon515
    anon515
    Participant
    March 30, 2019 at 12:57 am #197941
    Reply To: what is going on – should I give up or keep trying…

    gotta speak up for yourself

    noobat99
    noobat99
    Participant
    April 1, 2019 at 2:44 pm #198016
    Reply To: what is going on – should I give up or keep trying…

    ask

    authentic
    authentic
    Participant
    April 1, 2019 at 6:02 pm #198049
    Reply To: what is going on – should I give up or keep trying…

    Ask her.

    astacif
    astacif
    Participant
    April 2, 2019 at 2:00 pm #198054
    Reply To: what is going on – should I give up or keep trying…

    Go ahead and ask directly. You’ll never know if you don’t try.

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