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kaleighParticipantJune 5, 2014 at 12:13 am #54502
I’m 19 and my boyfriend is 24. He’s Asian and I’m black. I’ve been dating him for about 7 months and the last few months have been crazy;we’ve been on and off. At first I was afraid that he’d break my heart but when I started to trust all my hopes and dreams for our relationship were crushed. He told his parents about me and they threatened to disown him if he didn’t leave me. I was never the same after that day, and it seems like I’ll find any reason to break up with him. I believe he tries his best to make me happy but I can’t understand why I can’t do the same. Sometimes I feel like we’re on two different levels. For example, although I am still young, I have goals for myself, I want to have a good job, I want a family but he’s stuck in his current way of life. No goals, doesn’t see/ want the same things I want. We are currently on a break, and I don’t know what to do. I feel really bad for leaving him but I don’t know : / what do you think?
Jessica24SParticipantAugust 12, 2014 at 11:43 am #59268
Hi, it sounds like you have a hard time trusting. I think you have to ask yourself how much do you care about him and if you want to build a life with him. If you do, then you have to talk to him and tell him how you feel. You have to do what’s best for you and you deserve to be with someone who will stand by your side and who you’ll be able to trust unconditionally but you have to allow yourself to trust. I know it’s hard when you think you might get hurt but then you might lose out on a chance to be in love. I hope everything works out and you sound like a smart girl so just do what’s best for you.
jet8419ParticipantAugust 13, 2014 at 8:52 pm #59433
It sounds like you two are indeed on different levels as you mentioned (different goals, different views on life) and you are hanging on to him because you don’t want to hurt him rather than because you like him. It seems you aren’t happy being with him, so I suggest you move on – you deserve someone better. In addition, dating an Asian (especially a traditional one) usually means you will be subjected to his family’s scrutiny and he has to gain his parents’ approval about who he dates / marries (it’s their cultural norm) – as long as his parents don’t like you, it will be very tough carrying on in this relationship. However, if you really want to be with him, you can try to work on winning his parents over first (if that’s even possible with very traditional Asian parents). Good luck.
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