What to do?! (Sorry for the repeat, new to this)


What to do?! (Sorry for the repeat, new to this)

  • Hayley Matthews Hayley Matthews
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    April 16, 2013 at 4:17 pm #28923
    What to do?! (Sorry for the repeat, new to this)


    So here’s the deal:

    A couple months back I met this woman at work. It was temporary – only a few months – but during this time she became very flirtatious with me, although always kept it professional. At first I dismissed it, not wanting to get involved but then I began to develop genuine feelings for her. I decided I would ask her out after our work was over, to avoid any ethical complications. About two weeks before I was going to make my big move, I found out on Facebook (spying) that she has a boyfriend AND that she became engaged a few weeks beforehand. Needless to say I was shocked and confused, but figured I would get over it. Well I didn’t…

    Even though a few months have passed, I can’t stop thinking of her – almost all day – I dream of her regularly – often waking up and staying up thinking of her. I do not know what spell has been cast on me.

    I’m a serious guy with genuine intentions – not into causal dating or hookups – not judgment just not my thing! I never envisioned myself as the type of man who would get in between a happy couple – assuming their a happy couple – just because I had feelings for someone. But I really don’t know what’s going on here…I can’t get her out of my mind! I’m wondering if I maybe fell for her…

    My question:
    I want to email her and ask her out – only because I expect she will turn me down and say she’s happily engaged and at least then (hopefully) I will get closure and can move on. Although I can see how this can easily open up a can of worms too. I just don’t understand why any person in a serious relationship – serious enough to say yes to a marriage proposal – would be flirtatious and give mixed signals to another person. Thoughts?

    Thank you for your time.

    April 17, 2013 at 4:02 pm #28993

    I think you misread a few things. Well, let’s say she DID flirt with you. She batted her eyes a bit, smiled a lot and giggled to your jokes. A LOT of girls do that. Is she the only girl who you’ve had a kindergarten crush with lately?

    I think she might’ve liked the outside attention from her fiance, it’s nice to still feel attractive even if you are taken, still makes you feel pretty/wanted from other guys.

    At this point, she’s now “the girl that got away” Oi vey!! Your emotions are running extremely high for a girl you don’t even know. You’ve envisioned running away with her to a peaceful island with no worries and she’s fallen madly in love with you…reality check: she’s about to get married!!!!

    Any message you send her, although very hopeful, will probably be dismissed as a cute message. I think since she might know you’ve seen her Facebook posts that she’s engaged, she might question your motives and wonder why you would want to break up her engagement.

    Overall, I think you need to take a deep breath and leave her alone. you’re only thinking of yourself and how rewarding it may be if she shows any more interest in you.

    April 17, 2013 at 6:47 pm #29047

    lol – thank you carlycatz. I appreciate the direct honesty – almost like you “refreshed” my brain. I am aware that many girls bat their eyes, smile, and giggle, etc, etc – and it often times may not mean much, outside of harmless flirting. I guess on some level it was more that – or maybe it just felt like more? – such as, her deliberate actions to wait around me, when there was nothing she really needed to do – almost expecting me to acknowledge her – repeatedly! And of course, the big moment where we locked eyes – and I mean really locked eyes – back and forth several times – I know I didn’t imagine that.

    But, I suppose that doesn’t change much? – thank you again for your insights.