What to do when you’re out of ideas to meet people?

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What to do when you’re out of ideas to meet people?

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  • Hayley Matthews Hayley Matthews
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    AdrParkinson
    AdrParkinson
    Participant
    April 14, 2020 at 4:29 pm #232800
    What to do when you’re out of ideas to meet people?

    I’m a 26-year-old guy, and I’ve never had a date, never had a girlfriend. The problem is I have no idea where I can even meet like-minded women. I don’t exactly fit into the normal societal mold, certainly not for my city. I don’t drink, don’t listen to pop music, don’t watch sports, don’t party, etc. I’ve gotten a lot of strange looks from coworkers over these attitudes because they don’t get that I prefer quieter, more creative pursuits.
    Where I live, the creative community is almost non-existent. I was a member of a photography club for a while, but I didn’t fit in much and I was one of the only members under 50. The same is true for all other local creative groups I’ve seen.
    Any kind of bar or club is out. The obvious suggestion is online dating, but from what I can tell, no one here uses anything except perhaps Tinder, which I don’t want to try. When I try filtering the other sites to the kinds of women I would consider dating I get almost no results.

    So, any advice?

    dashingscorpio
    dashingscorpio
    Participant
    April 17, 2020 at 1:32 am #232900

    “I don’t drink, don’t listen to pop music, don’t watch sports, don’t party,”
    “Where I live, the creative community is almost non-existent.”
    “Any kind of bar or club is out.”

    “I’m a 26-year-old guy, and I’ve never had a date, never had a girlfriend.”

    Clearly anyone who has NEVER had date during their Jr. high, high school, or college years {has problems socializing}.
    The only way we grow or improve is by developing the courage and willingness to step outside of our comfort zone.
    To succeed in any endeavor or achieve a worthwhile goal a person must be (willing to learn, adapt, and practice).

    John Dillinger was once asked why he robbed banks. He said: “Because that’s where the money is.”
    You on the other hand are trying to avoid places and activities most women enjoy.
    It’s the equivalent of going duck hunting making “moo noises” instead of quacking.
    This isn’t rocket science.

    WHEN (WE) CHANGE OUR CIRCUMSTANCES CHANGE!

    IF YOU WANT SOMETHING DIFFERENT (YOU) HAVE TO DO SOMETHING DIFFERENT!

    Consider befriending a male friend who is doing well with the ladies and “follow their recipe”.
    You may want to read “Online Dating Avoid The Catfish! How To Date Online Successfully”

    dashingscorpio
    dashingscorpio
    Participant
    April 17, 2020 at 2:09 am #232902

    There are a lot more dating site/apps out there other than Tinder. Try Match or one of the niche sites.
    In addition you could join many of the Meetup hobby and interest groups to meet people with similar interests.

    Some people would rather attempt to “change the world” than to change themselves.
    If you keep doing what you’ve always done you’re going to keep getting the same results!

    Much of what you’re going through right now should have been part of your teenage years and early 20s.

    Most guys in your position are usually loners and don’t have any (male friends) doing well with the ladies.

    Many others only want to deal with women who are out of their league.
    Lets face it any guy who looks like Danny DeVito isn’t going to end up with a girlfriend who looks like Charlize Theron.

    It’s also unrealistic to expect to walk or run without having learned to crawl.

    Another book you might also consider reading is “Pump Your Brakes! How To Stop Having Bad First Dates”.

    AdrParkinson
    AdrParkinson
    Participant
    April 19, 2020 at 5:06 pm #232951

    Clearly anyone who has NEVER had date during their Jr. high, high school, or college years {has problems socializing}.
    The only way we grow or improve is by developing the courage and willingness to step outside of our comfort zone.
    To succeed in any endeavor or achieve a worthwhile goal a person must be (willing to learn, adapt, and practice).

    John Dillinger was once asked why he robbed banks. He said: “Because that’s where the money is.”
    You on the other hand are trying to avoid places and activities most women enjoy.
    It’s the equivalent of going duck hunting making “moo noises” instead of quacking.
    This isn’t rocket science.

    I never went to school, I was homeschooled. I’m a freelance artist and so even before the quarantine I worked from home. I can’t simply snap my fingers and change what my likes and interests are. I can’t go to a nightclub and pretend I’m having fun. Any women I met there would find me boring, and I’d find them shallow.

    AdrParkinson
    AdrParkinson
    Participant
    April 20, 2020 at 8:55 am #232952

    There are a lot more dating site/apps out there other than Tinder. Try Match or one of the niche sites.
    In addition you could join many of the Meetup hobby and interest groups to meet people with similar interests.

    As I said, the other sites are ghost towns in my country. I tried filtering Match by only a couple of settings, and ended up with 1 result in the whole country! And she wasn’t someone I’d have anything else in common with. The other sites are about the same.

    Meetup is something I’ve checked regularly, but none of the local groups that look interesting are active. I messaged the guy who started one of them and he said no one ever shows up. The other events are all things like wine clubs and business conferences. My city just isn’t a place for creative thinkers.

    I’m not looking to change the world, just find one person who understands my way of thinking. My thoughts and feelings are not always what society expects, but I’m happy with them.

    Twinkle
    Twinkle
    Participant
    April 22, 2020 at 5:17 pm #233049

    What are your interests, you mentioned you like “quieter and creative pursuits” what are those? I understand you when you say you don’t fit in most places but for you to find what you seek you have to try even the things that are out of your comfort zone. to find the perfect date isn’t always measured by the same interests or likes!

    AdrParkinson
    AdrParkinson
    Participant
    April 25, 2020 at 5:58 pm #233128

    What are your interests, you mentioned you like “quieter and creative pursuits” what are those? I understand you when you say you don’t fit in most places but for you to find what you seek you have to try even the things that are out of your comfort zone. to find the perfect date isn’t always measured by the same interests or likes!

    Photography, 3D computer art, discussing science-fiction, things like that. There’s no real 3D community near me, and the photography groups are pretty much just for retirees looking for a hobby. The other people of my age all seem to think that fun can only be had while drunk and/or high. And that crowd is one that I have nothing in common with. At companies I’ve worked for, when I tell people what I’m interested in, they just give a befuddled look and then go back to talking about sports and rap music.

    AdrParkinson
    AdrParkinson
    Participant
    April 25, 2020 at 6:22 pm #233129

    Basically, I’m a total nerd and proud of it, and the local nerd community is essentially non-existent. So it’s very difficult for me to find a place where I feel any sense of belonging and more importantly, acceptance. I’ve been on the receiving end of so many swear words and told I need psychiatric help for not using local slang terms, just because I prefer not to use them. The culture here tends to be very toxic to people who don’t naturally conform.

    Mwebaza
    Mwebaza
    Participant
    May 3, 2020 at 12:11 pm #233281
    Reply To: What to do when you’re out of ideas to meet people?

    It happens alone and usually becomes hard to pull it off face to face.use her phone to get to her heart and control how she feels about you.These days, everybody has a cell phone – not, presently the contraption of the “youthful” age, PDAs are all over. Nevertheless, you MUST do thetexting and phone calling the right way. You will win her without her knowing.

    szymonhimself
    szymonhimself
    Participant
    May 4, 2020 at 11:40 am #233321
    Reply To: What to do when you’re out of ideas to meet people?

    Hey man, I have some good news.

    Most of the problems you mention and those that I can infer from your post are actually easily fixable and you will not need to change who you are or “visit a psychiatrist”.

    The good news is that women absolutely LOVE nerds. I am a total nerd myself, and not necessarily the best looking one, so I would know. I’ve met so many amazing women who said they love me for being so “normal” and talking about stuff like League of Legends, post-apocalyptic books or art with them, whereas most guys just try to show off.

    The thing is, two qualities that women find most attractive are confidence and passion and you obviously already have the second one. That’s great. That’s where I started from. I was in your shoes (actually we have very similar interests haha) and it was so frustrating, but once I started working on my confidence it took me 3 months to go from not being able to find anybody to girls telling me I am the coolest guy they ever met.

    You got this!

    thelegend27
    thelegend27
    Participant
    May 18, 2020 at 8:54 am #233902
    Reply To: What to do when you’re out of ideas to meet people?

    I have had a hard time my who life with dating. I do not go to clubs, nor bars to meet up with people. I have tried various dating apps and the one that has worked for me is Tinder. I must say, I rarely got any matches and had a hard time maintaning a conversation due to various reasons (ex: girl lost interest). But I have had dates through tinder. I have been in relationships due to tinder. It takes time however, sometimes I wouldn’t get a match within weeks. Be patient, but definitely give dating sites a go… but again, be patient. I know it’s hard.