Why did he change to suddenly?

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Why did he change to suddenly?

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  • Hayley Matthews Hayley Matthews
    DatingAdvice.com
    September 9, 2019 at 8:15 pm FORUM ANNOUNCEMENT

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    bigoof123
    bigoof123
    Participant
    June 1, 2019 at 10:23 pm #201504
    Why did he change to suddenly?

    I started talking to a guy who is in the military stationed in another state, we are from the same area and have facetimed and texted for about 2 months now (so yes he is a real person and is who he says he is)
    We instantly clicked & after the first month HE initiated the affection like calling me babe or saying things like “you have my full attention” or “I never met you but I miss you- have feelings for you- cant wait to meet you etc.”
    He says “if this works out between us” “if we get along” “im trying not to get my hopes up” etc.
    He was so attentive with texts at first, constant flirting, cute emojis, apologized if he took to long to answer, always asking what im doing.
    But over the past 2 weeks he like dialed back, hes not as affectionate, he doesnt say cute things as much, he seems like he doesnt put a lot of thought in his texts and wont text as often. It still is everyday but its 100% not the same. He is coming home & plans to stay with me for a bit. Im just so confused.

    bigoof123
    bigoof123
    Participant
    June 1, 2019 at 10:28 pm #201506

    ^To add to that
    He has dated other girls from home while stationed away.
    Hes made it a point to say that some of the girls hes talked to “jump the gun” and ask about a relationship too soon which freaked him out so I am trying to be as calm and collected as possible.
    But with these mixed signals im totally lost and getting my hopes up because of all the promising words hes saying yet his actions arent matching up to me. I understand theres only so much we can do before we see how we like each other in person but im scared ill fall hard and hell shy away even more after he leaves.
    He is very stressed and is going through some “stuff” but i dont want to make excuses for his change in attitude to make myself feel better.

    dashingscorpio
    dashingscorpio
    Participant
    June 2, 2019 at 11:23 am #201520

    “..all the promising {words} hes saying yet his {actions} arent matching up”

    If something doesn’t feel right to you it’s probably not right for (you).
    Never separate your mind from your heart when making relationship decisions.
    The purpose of the mind is to protect the heart. Ignoring “red flags” is always a mistake.

    “..some of the girls hes talked to “jump the gun” and ask about a relationship too soon..”

    He is outright telling you that you are NOT a “couple” and he’s within his rights to see other women.
    You on the other hand are acting like you’re in some kind of “exclusive relationship”!
    That’s how people get hurt. A “situationship” is not a relationship!

    You don’t have to press to convert this into anything serious. Most LDRs fail anyway.
    However you should {keep your own options open} by dating other guys in your actual area.
    If you were job hunting you wouldn’t send a resume to (one company) and wait to see if they hired you!
    You’d send your resume to (multiple) companies. Never be “all in” with a stranger!

    bigoof123
    bigoof123
    Participant
    June 3, 2019 at 8:40 am #201525

    He has said I “have his full attention” and I know he could see other people I have too in the meantime to keep my sanity.
    I just got VERY caught up in the fact he keeps saying “if this works out” “if we get along while I’m there” like he’s expecting a relationship TO happen.
    My most recent ex and I met while in 2 different states and we dated for 3 years so to me I know it’s not impossible.
    How do I chill in the meantime before he comes here and how to I keep my sanity after he leaves? I’m literally driving myself NUTS

    bigoof123
    bigoof123
    Participant
    June 3, 2019 at 8:40 am #201532

    He only started texting and acting differently over the past 2 weeks, the red flags are the lack of affection and attentiveness via text
    He can see other people of course as have I to keep my sanity but I like him so much more than anyone else.
    Hes said I “have his full attention” and when i joke about his “other fb gf’s” he says he doesnt have any- again those are just words I know.
    My last relationship actually started when we lived in 2 different states and we dated for 3 years so i know it is not impossible. Ive done it before.
    Hes said multiple times “if things work out well after i go there well see about you coming here to visit”
    How do i like check myself and stop looking into his lack of affection and change in tone before he comes here and we meet and spend time together in person?
    ESPECIALLY after he leaves and I go nuts since the past 2 months have been “well see how we get along” “well see how this goes” etc?

    dashingscorpio
    dashingscorpio
    Participant
    June 3, 2019 at 4:08 pm #201601

    “My most recent {ex} and I met while in 2 different states and we dated for 3 years…”
    Pointing to a (failed relationship) does not prove the success of long distance relationship.
    Whether a relationship lasts 3 weeks or 3 years a breakup is still a breakup.
    In fact the longer it lasted the more time was wasted.

    It sounds to me as if you’re already {too emotionally invested} in a guy you have never met.
    Odds are if travels to meet you he is expecting the two of you will have sex.
    It would one thing if you saw this as being a “fling” or if you were just in the mood to get laid.

    However this feels more like it’s an “audition” whereby only HE will get to decide what will happen next.
    No one should ever have sex with an agenda. This is especially true if you expect it to solidify a relationship.
    You should only have sex because YOU want to. That way no one can say they got “used”.

    “if {things} work out well after i go there well see about you coming here to visit.”
    “We’ll see?” That sounds like a parent talking to a child! If you aren’t EQUALS you should cancel.

    dashingscorpio
    dashingscorpio
    Participant
    June 3, 2019 at 4:58 pm #201613

    In subtle ways he has been manipulating you into feeling like everything is on HIS terms.
    You are acting like you’re a “product” and he’s the “shopper” who needs to be sold on YOU.

    You should have your own mate selection/screening process and “must haves list”.
    Take back your power! Avoid dating a narcissist.

    Lots of women chase after guys who say they don’t want a relationship.
    Don’t fall in love with a “challenge”!

    “Never love anyone who treats you like you’re ordinary.” – Oscar Wilde

    “How do i like check myself and stop looking into his lack of affection and change in tone …”

    Acting as if you’re in a relationship when you are not is how people get hurt!
    Go out with some other guys locally! Don’t put all of your eggs into a {non-relationship basket}.
    If no guys are approaching you hang out with friends in public places to occupy some of your time.
    Going to happy hours, nightclubs, parties, and basically doing things other (single people) do. Have fun!