Why Does She Still Have Tinder If We Are Exclusive?

DATING ADVICE FORUM

Why Does She Still Have Tinder If We Are Exclusive?

    Author
    Comments
  • Hayley Matthews Hayley Matthews
    DatingAdvice.com
    December 12, 2018 at 8:39 pm FORUM ANNOUNCEMENT

    Hey DatingAdvice.com forum readers! Just a quick heads up that a few dating sites are offering a FREE trial to DatingAdvice forum readers. Try it now and meet local singles in just a few minutes! Here are the sites:

    Site Who You'll Meet Today's Deal
    Match.com Casual dating for ages 18-65 Get FREE access
    Elite Singles Educated professionals 25 and older Get FREE access
    AFF.com Hookups, casual encounters Get FREE access

    What are you waiting for? One mouse click could be all that stands between you and your next romance!

    chriswaiting
    chriswaiting
    Participant
    October 11, 2018 at 7:27 am #186746
    Why Does She Still Have Tinder If We Are Exclusive?

    Hi everyone, I recently met this great girl named Valerie and have been seeing her for seven weeks.

    We talk everyday and have amazing sex. Although we are not a couple yet she is aware that I am exclusive to her and expect the same. She has met my family and I have met her mom. We are planning a vacation together for November. She considers us friends with benefits but we spend more time together then regular couples do. She also mentioned that she is not over her ex yet who she met on Tinder and broke up with 3 months ago. She gave me a timeline of 6 months to let me know if she really wants to get serious with me. Our deal is to be mutually exclusive to each other during this time.

    Now what really bothers me is that she still has a Tinder profile. She told me she doesn’t go on it anymore and doesn’t reply to any messages. Why keep it open then? Anyone encounter this before? I would appreciate any advice.

    dashingscorpio
    dashingscorpio
    Participant
    October 11, 2018 at 11:34 am #186816

    “Although we are not a couple yet she is aware that I am exclusive to her and expect the same.”
    That’s a contradiction. The term exclusive usually means you’re a “monogamous couple” in a relationship.

    Four Huge Red Flags

    1. “She considers us friends with benefits…”

    2. “She also mentioned that she is not over her ex yet…”

    3. “She gave me a timeline of 6 months to let me know if she really wants to get serious with me.”

    4. “Now what really bothers me is that she still has a Tinder profile.”

    This woman has told you in several different ways that she does not see YOU as being “the one” for her.
    Anyone that puts you on hold/in limbo for 6 months to “decide” if they want to get serious is not {emotionally invested}.
    Add to the fact on some level she wants her ex back it’s clear you’re a REBOUND lover.
    They broke up 3 months ago and you’ve been with her for 2 months.
    Her Tinder file is active for one reason: She’s keeping her options open as should you!

    Morouge
    Morouge
    Participant
    October 11, 2018 at 2:05 pm #186852

    It sounds like she’s keeping you on the line pretty selfishly until something she thinks is better comes along. You’re worth exclusivity. If that’s what you want, don’t settle for what she’s giving you. Be upfront about wanting to be her only person. If she can’t do that for you, you are so much better off finding someone who will.

    MiaSara
    MiaSara
    Participant
    October 12, 2018 at 12:23 pm #186932

    She kept her online profile active because she is still keeping her options open. I would not be exclusive with anyone UNTIL the profile is down. Her comment of waiting 6 months to know if she wants to be serious is a bit telling. It doesn’t sound like this woman is as serious about you as you are about her. I think clear clear communication is important here. Tell her what you want and see if she wants the same.

    gamakichi
    gamakichi
    Participant
    October 13, 2018 at 12:57 pm #186986

    Her actions are a little confusing ‘cause she clearly stated she sees you as a friend with benefits, yet youve met each other’s families and are planning a vacation together. I don’t think she even knows what she wants yet. I would tell her, “I really like you and I’m looking for a committed relationship, but it looks like you don’t really know what you want yet. So, I’m gonna back off and give you some time to think about what you really want, and if I’m still around, you know where to find me.” You’re showing her that you’re setting a standard for yourself, and by saying “if I’m still around”, it sends the message that she can’t take you for granted and you won’t wait around forever. If she comes back to you wanting a committed relationship, congratulations. If not, then she wasn’t the one for you and move on. (Credit for the quote goes to Matthew Hussey)

    Heidi Goodrich
    Heidi Goodrich
    Participant
    October 19, 2018 at 4:48 pm #187572

    I have a feeling that she is still on Tinder because she can still see if her ex is still active. If she is not over him, she could easily make fake profiles, get into conversations with him or even just find out if he still active.

    Here is the thing. A lady like to be chased, but also needs to respect feel his strength. If you want to have any attempt at getting her back, you need to have some standards. From what it sounds like, she has created the design of the relationship. Although you expect to be exclusive, you also have settled for someone who still is connected to her ex, you have settled for someone who will make up her mind in 6 months, you have settled for someone who is still on Tinder. Basically, the message you are giving her is “you can do anything you want and I will be right by your side being a good boyfriend.”
    How can a lady respect you when you don’t respect, nor care much about your own experience and design of the relationship?

    Heidi Goodrich
    Heidi Goodrich
    Participant
    October 19, 2018 at 4:54 pm #187573

    Here is something you can try….if you haven’t talked with her yet, when you do have a conversation, turn it around and say something like this.

    “I am aware that you are really not available. I’m finding that I am reaching my limit and it might be best for me to let this go. I want and deserve to care for someone who can offer the same in return. I understand this is not you and that’s okay. I respect your choice, however I will not participate in it anymore.”

    Saying something to that effect will set some standards and most likely activate her respect for you, because you are respecting yourself. You might be surprised how she changes her tune to things….or maybe not. There are no guarantees, but at the very least, you are caring about your heart and not handing it over to someone who doesn’t have the ability to care for it the way you deserve.

    Jeryle
    Jeryle
    Participant
    October 29, 2018 at 1:12 pm #188099
    Reply To: Why Does She Still Have Tinder If We Are Exclusive?

    I agree with Heidi, it is time you have a conversation. The first one should be with yourself! You have a right to be happy and frankly so does Valarie. Do the boundaries that Valarie has set for her side the relationship seem or feel like a healthy relationship for you?

    Only you can honestly say if it does or doesn’t.

    If the answer is no, then the next question(s) are…
    1. What boundaries do you need to set, vocalize and communicate to her so that she is fully aware what your limits and needs are?
    2. Is she, at this stage of her life capable if respecting your boundaries?

    Relationships and love are not easy… Far from it! Decide what your limits, boundaries are and communicate them to Valarie or any other female you date.

    There is many women out there that will find your boundaries exactly what they want and need and have been looking for and many of those will have the boundaries and limits that are atone to what you desire, need and want… GO find them!!

    richiro
    richiro
    Participant
    October 29, 2018 at 1:36 pm #188100
    Reply To: Why Does She Still Have Tinder If We Are Exclusive?

    this one is simple. she has VERY clearly said she is NOT in an exclusive relationship with you. This is a friend with benefits situation. She has very clearly stated she won’t decide if she’s “serious about you” for another 6 months. Therefore, whether you “expect” it or not, she is NOT exclusive to you. Thus she has a right to still date and have dating profiles up. She has been VERY upfront and clear about this with you.

    What YOU want or “expect” doesn’t override that.

    So.. you have to ask yourself if this is acceptable to you or not? If not, end it. If it is, enjoy it and see what happens in 6 months. But YOU don’t get to IMPOSE ON HER – what YOU want ever. AND she’s been very clear and upfront with you so she, in my book, is not doing anything wrong here.

    ps69uk
    ps69uk
    Participant
    November 1, 2018 at 4:54 pm #188493
    Reply To: Why Does She Still Have Tinder If We Are Exclusive?

    Have great sex with her but keep circulating, as she clearly is. She is not wifey material.

    chriswaiting
    chriswaiting
    Participant
    November 15, 2018 at 5:43 pm #189446
    Reply To: Why Does She Still Have Tinder If We Are Exclusive?

    Thanks for your responses everyone. I ended up going on vacation with her and it was the best time I ever had. She told me she doesn’t go on Tinder anymore but just has a profile open. She knows if she wants to start going on dates from Tinder this is over and in 6 months if she wants to get serious with me Tinder needs to be deleted or else I am done with her. I have to trust that she is honest with me or else what’s the point right? Her mom already calls me son in law and her sister told her not to come crying to her if she messes things up with me:)

    I do think she is wifey material, she has been through a lot but has a great positive attitude and a big heart and really makes me smile. I was a little frustrated at this situation at first but I talk to her everyday and we see each other once a week. I am in love with this girl and am ready to get serious but if she doesn’t want me in her life it will be her loss.

    lo91
    lo91
    Participant
    November 16, 2018 at 1:38 pm #189495
    Reply To: Why Does She Still Have Tinder If We Are Exclusive?

    tinder is just for self confidence , dont take it to heart

    Ghostee1
    Ghostee1
    Participant
    November 21, 2018 at 9:00 pm #189683
    Reply To: Why Does She Still Have Tinder If We Are Exclusive?

    this is obviously treating you as a spare tyre. been there before a couple times.

    weldon25
    weldon25
    Participant
    November 28, 2018 at 5:32 am #190024
    Reply To: Why Does She Still Have Tinder If We Are Exclusive?

    Tell her you will use Tinder too to balance things out

    chriswaiting
    chriswaiting
    Participant
    December 8, 2018 at 7:43 am #190742
    Reply To: Why Does She Still Have Tinder If We Are Exclusive?

    She no longer has a Tinder profile:) Thanks everyone for your advice. Things look good, it’s only been 4 months and we are making great progress by getting the bs out of the way.