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scottoParticipantJanuary 18, 2015 at 1:32 am #71206
Lately I feel like a sucker, I meet women through online dating, text a bit, finally set up first date around 8-9pm on a weekend night. I do get the impression that the date is going decently well and that I would get a 2nd date but many times I get the gut feeling that the woman is meeting someone after me. There are cues like cell phone checks, not wanting to go to a 2nd place etc when its not that late.
So I feel like I am spending money for food and drink and then some other guy is benefiting by ending the night with her.
I know that most people would advise a coffee date, something more casual for the first time but with busy schedules these seem hard to avoid plus I do not want to come off cheap by not being willing to spend money on food when going on dates. I also feel some women get offended if you suggest just meeting for coffee, I also think of them as a little boring.
ConverseParticipantJanuary 18, 2015 at 12:58 pm #71212
Well they might well be meeting someone after you, seeing as it’s a first date. Doesn’t make it any less hard to take, but at this stage she doesn’t know too much about you, isn’t committed to you and might just want to see if she really clicks with anyone. Online dating makes it easy to meet a lot of people.
As for the food and drink, maybe don’t just automatically buy everything for your date. Maybe split the bill, maybe don’t offer her another drink so readily or jokily suggest that it’s her round from time to time. Also, I think a simple way to make sure that she isn’t going on to another date and finishing the evening with someone else is- be the later date. Meet up later, go out at night and enjoy yourself without worrying that she’s going to head off straight away afterwards and she’ll end up finishing the night with you. She might not be going off to see anyone afterwards but, if she is, make it you.
scottoParticipantJanuary 18, 2015 at 2:23 pm #71215
Thanks Converse. I do know women that use online dating as a meal ticket, going out constantly, with meals & drinks paid for – where the poor hapless guy happens to be a victim of this juggling and (imo) being taking advantage of.
I know it works both ways & that guys schedule multiple dates in one night, but at least the female victim (99% of the time) was just treated to drinks and food and did not pay to liquor & feed someone up for another date.
I think I have to base it on a case by case basis. You can get a sense in advance that they’re serial daters, those are the women that you meet for coffee or u can do what many women do, “Hey [name of women], I’m really busy this weekend, I have a birthday dinner Saturday night, but why don’t we grab a drink before or after.” If u get the “after”, there are no worries, if u get the “before” , its only a drink & u can invest more time/money for the 2nd. I also think there’s a diff based on date source. Eharmony vs POF for example
Knight32ParticipantJanuary 18, 2015 at 3:58 pm #71216
Online dating seems to be hit or miss, from my experience.
Though there are likely several factors converging to create you predicament, constantly checking one’s cellphone is usually a sign of disinterest.
My ultimate piece of advice to you would be to move your first dates to a more casual environment. You already mentioned hating a coffee shop date, so why not a museum, or a walk in the park? Both present ample time to converse with one another, whereas as grabbing dinner forces the two of you to talk considerably less (cause your stuffing your face with food). I like to save dinner dates for the 3rd or 4th date.
ExpatParticipantJanuary 23, 2015 at 12:09 am #71644
Honestly, it sounds like the problem is you. She was obviously not interested in you. You think the date is going fine. She’s bored to hell, and keeps checking the time to see when she can leave, and declines to go somewhere afterwards. The fact that you’re acting all suspicious and possessive after just a first date might be a big clue as to why.
If she is meeting someone after you, who cares? She has the right to date whoever she wants and to schedule her time however she wants. If you’re not interesting enough for her to prioritize her time with, then move on. She’s not for you.
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