Why Wont My Girlfriend Have Sex With Me

Lesbian Dating

Why Won’t My Girlfriend Have Sex With Me?

Dr. Frankie

Written by: Dr. Frankie

Dr. Frankie

Dr. Frankie Bashan is the CEO and Founder of LittleGayBook.com, which focuses on personalized matchmaking for lesbians and bisexual women, and she has successfully connected singles across the United States for the last decade.

Edited by: Lillian Castro

Lillian Castro

Lillian Guevara-Castro brings more than 30 years of journalism experience to ensure DatingAdvice articles have been edited for overall clarity, accuracy, and reader engagement. She has worked at The Atlanta Journal and Constitution, The Gwinnett Daily News, and The Gainesville Sun covering lifestyle topics.

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My guess is that, if you’re reading this article, then you’re probably not getting much love and affection from your girlfriend these days. Long gone are the days when you could barely keep your hands off each other. You know… those times when going to bed meant way more than just getting a good night of sleep.

Are you sitting there wondering what happened to the hot and steamy nights you two used to have? Are you trying to figure out how the two of you got to this point? Maybe you’re trying to think of a way to get things back on track?

Let’s face it, if you’re in a relationship where your partner isn’t being affectionate (let alone showing no signs of desiring any type of sexual contact with you), it can feel nothing short of awful.

It can be particularly painful if you’re initiating sex and getting rejected. This can hurt immensely and breed insecurity, pain, resentment, and, at its worst, get you questioning all sorts of things about your relationship (like if there’s someone else).

As hard as this may be to experience, the unfortunate reality is that it’s not that uncommon for one partner in a relationship to pull back from sexual intimacy every now and then. If this is happening to you, keep reading, so you can better understand why it can and does happen, and learn that there’s hope that things can get better.

1. Something is Wrong in the Relationship

Being affectionate and loving toward someone tends to be pretty difficult if the other person is having negative feelings or thoughts about you. Ask yourself the following questions:

  • “Have we been fighting more than usual lately?”
  • “Have we had much time to spend with one another?”

If you answered no to one or both of these questions, this could possibly result in her feeling emotionally disconnected to you or her being resentful about your absence or possible neglect toward her and your relationship.

Photo of a lesbian couple fighting

Maybe you two have been fighting more recently, and that’s causing her to pull away.

She could be communicating (albeit in a passive-aggressive manner) that she’s upset with you about something that you are or are not doing for her, and therefore she’s not going to give you the physical affection she knows you crave from her.

If this is going on, perhaps ask her to talk and try to figure out if there’s anything that she’s bottling up that the two of you can resolve. Maybe you’re spending too much time at work or with friends instead of with her. Or maybe you don’t stand up for her when your mother says something catty to her, so she’s picking fights with you. It could be a million things, but you won’t know exactly what it is until you ask her what’s going on.

2. You May Have Poor Hygiene Habits

As superficial as this may be to say, let’s be honest: Most people want to be appealing and feel desired by their partner and also want a sex partner to be appealing to them.

We want to get turned on by our partner. While part of this desire, of course, includes the emotional aspects of a relationship and the connection we have with each other, sex is a physical act where our personal hygiene, such as breath, teeth, hair, skin, and nails, do come into play.

Photo of a woman smelling her breath

It can be embarrassing to ask your girlfriend if your hygiene habits are turning her off, but it’s better than not knowing.

It can be very hard to want to kiss someone when they have bad breath. It can be hard to stay in the moment and be passionate during lovemaking when there’s overwhelming body odor. It can be hard to let someone touch you when they have dirt under their fingernails. It can be hard to nuzzle someone you love when they haven’t washed their hair in a week. You get the point.

Maybe your girlfriend is the type who doesn’t want to hurt your feelings, so she won’t say anything about your hygiene. It may be embarrassing or hard to bring up, but not having sex because of something that can be resolved pretty easily is probably even worse.

3. She’s Not Feeling Great About Her Body

Most women need to feel good about their bodies to feel sexy and comfortable getting naked and having sex. I’m sure you can relate to that, right? Your girlfriend may be feeling insecure about her body for some reason and be too self-conscious to have sex with you.

For instance, if she’s preoccupied with worries about how “disgusting” you will find her if you see her naked now that she has gained a few pounds, or if she fears you touching her stomach “rolls” that she has been berating herself about, that could explain everything.

Photo of a sad woman looking in the mirror

Remember to tell her often how you think she’s beautiful.

Ask yourself:

  • “Have I noticed if she has actually gained weight lately?”
  • “Has she been talking about dieting or feeling uncomfortable with her body lately?”
  • “Have I been complimenting her appearance and letting her know that I find her beautiful and attractive?”

If she’s feeling insecure about her body, tell her how sexy you think she is and what parts of her body drive you crazy. She needs to hear this from you, and you need to hear that from her.

4. She’s Stressed or Tired

Anyone who is going through a lot of stress and has their plate full trying to get everything done is exhausted mentally and physically. While sex can be a stress-reliever, it can also take a lot of time and physical exertion — both of which she probably feels she has none of by the end of the day.

Photo of a stressed woman

The problem could be something as simple as she’s been stressed at work.

Ask yourself if your girlfriend has been taking on more work or projects than usual. Has she been saying she’s more tired than normal? Have you noticed anything particularly hard or stressful in her life lately?

The Most Important Thing is to Communicate With Each Other

When it comes to having a healthy, happy relationship, honest communication is absolutely key. Not knowing why your girlfriend has started to pull away sexually can be a very painful experience that needs to be addressed and openly communicated if it’s going to get better. Good luck!

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