When going from bad date to bad date and waiting forever for someone decent to reply, it’s easy to forget that online dating is supposed to be fun. Like, you’re supposed to enjoy the chance to have a city’s worth of singles judge how you look and what words you use to describe yourself. Happy days.
I know it can be tough, but online dating doesn’t need to feel so soul-crushing. Once singles lighten up and learn to laugh about the process, flirting on a dating site or app becomes less of a trial. Everyone is out there making it up as they go along, and the results can sometimes be really funny. Like the time a guy messaged me, “Can we skip to the sux part?” That’s just comedy gold.
Hilarious online dating anecdotes both amuse and comfort people exploring a brave new world of rejection and hookups. We’ve collected our favorite funny jokes about online dating to let weary singles know they aren’t alone in thinking that modern dating is actually quite ridiculous. Enjoy!
1. eHarmony Is Not Amused By Sexual Innuendos
No matter how many times you tell guys that dick jokes and dick pics and dick moves are neither attractive nor appropriate, some willful singles just can’t resist pushing their gross brand of humor on dating websites. However, some high-integrity dating platforms have chosen to fight back.
One unfortunate would-be-funny-if-he-weren’t-so-crude single got kicked off eHarmony for answering the personal question, “What do you like most in a woman?” with a sexual innuendo.
The dating site flagged the profile for its inappropriate language and kept this dick from offending single women online.
No doubt this lonely dude thought a sexual reference would be a flirtatious way to get a girl’s attention, and, hey, points for creativity. But, as JokeOverFlow.com said in its meme: You’re doing it wrong.
2. Good Grammar Is a Turn-On. Bad Grammar Is Funny.
Other funny cards emphasize how sexy good grammar can be in online chats. “You had me at the proper use of ‘you’re’” one Pinterest card reads. Another online dater says she wants to quickly meet dates offline “to lower the odds of me being turned off by your shoddy grammar and punctuation.” Smart.
Dating sites don’t always attract the intellectual elite, so nerdy memes about online dating are really amusing to grammar sticklers, like me, who weep for the literary skills of their peers. To borrow the words of a popular meme: Dudes be like “Your beautiful.” I be like “It’s you’re.”
3. When That Sexy Flirt Turns Out to be a Dalek in Disguise
Do you remember that episode of “Doctor Who” where they invade the planet of insane Daleks? The Dalek Asylum? No? Never heard of that show? Have you lived in a box (but not a Tardis) for the past decade?
OK, long time-wimey story short, the Doctor is contacted by a young woman named Oswin who says she crash-landed and has been under Dalek siege for months, making souffles to pass the time.
Of course, the Doctor rushes off to rescue her from the ship. BUT, spoiler alert, it turns out there is no ship. There is no her. She was killed, and all that’s left of her consciousness is trapped inside a Dalek. When the Doctor opens the door to find a killing machine and not a damsel there waiting for him, he gets majorly catfished.
A lot of online daters can sympathize with this plot twist. You show up to a first date expecting a beautiful new companion and instead find your worst nightmare. As MemeCenter astutely points out, sometimes your expectations get ahead of you, and that attractive, witty girl is too good to be true.
4. Laugh-Out-Loud Ways to Start a Convo Online
Jokes can be great openers for online daters with a sense of humor. At least it catches attention more than the overused “Hey, what’s up?”
One politically savvy guy sent a first message reading, “On a scale of North Korea to America, how free are you tonight?” It doesn’t have to be long or complicated. Another smooth talker simply said, “Guess what I’m wearing? The smile you gave me.” That works for me. The key is to be original, amusing, and flattering all at once.
Simon Barrett tweeted out this gem: “Yo girl, are you a zero APR loan? Because I don’t really understand your terms and you keep saying you have no interest.” That’ll kill if you’re dating in the financial sector. You can read more funny online dating messages here.
5. Misleading Dating Profiles Imprison Expectations
Catfishing isn’t funny when it happens to you, but it is funny when people make jokes about it on the web. One hilarious comic shows an unimpressed woman opening the door to a short, overweight, and balding date. “You look different in your online profile,” she tells him. The guy replies, “I was impressing you with my Photoshop skills.” Ugh, I wish this were just a joke and not so painfully true.
Many misguided daters just want to get someone to show up to a first date, so they go online and misrepresent who they are or what they look like in real life, sometimes in dramatic ways.
Another comic portrays a catfished date who thought she was meeting a man in a uniform only to find out: “He’s a Boy Scout Den Leader. And he wore the shorts.”
“Your online profile stated you were tall, dark, and handsome,” read the caption on a comic from Online Dating Magazine. “Have you considered a career in fiction writing?”
6. Pizza Beats Dating Sites Every Time
Some misguided souls see social media as a news outlet, but I use it more like a joke factory. My newsfeed is all punchlines and quips. I’ll repost anything that makes me laugh. Recently, one of my single friends on Facebook shared a tweet from LindaInDisguise: “Done with dating sites. I’m now focusing on pizza delivery guys,” she said.
Sounds like a solid dating decision. I’m totally on board with that. The quote goes on, “At least I know they have a job, a car, and pizza.” This person is a genius. LindaInDisguise knows what’s up.
7. Knock, Knock. Who’s There? No One. Just Another Fake Profile
Online dating has sped up the dating process, but it hasn’t been a joy for every user all the time. After a night of chats that lead nowhere, some singles long for the simpler time before the internet when meeting date prospects was incredibly difficult but somewhat more authentic.
“Join an online dating service?” reads one meme on Pinterest. “I’d rather meet someone the old-fashioned way…With alcohol and poor judgment.” Cheers to that! Such cynical online dating jokes can be cathartic for singles feeling bogged down by the swiping carousel.
“I can’t believe how convenient online dating is!” reads a Rottenecards meme dripping with sarcasm. “Now, my dream of finding love can be crushed more efficiently and in the privacy of my own home.” Now that’s what we call progress.
8. That Awkward Moment When You Mass Text Tinder
“Hey beautiful,” Nathan said on Snapchat. The only problem? He sent his flirt in a group message to all seven of his love interests. Not a great way to let a girl know she isn’t the only one you’re seeing.
Within moments, Nathan fled the chat, undoubtedly horrified by his dating blunder. According to Buzzfeed, the single girls renamed the chat to Nathan’s Beautiful Girls and kept the conversation going. They compared notes about their experiences with Nathan, finding solidarity in the jilting.
“Instead of fighting for this guy — who, by the way, is not worth it — we uplifted each other and remained positive.” — Justinne, a 23-year-old single
“I actually wish we can all just go for margaritas together,” 25-year-old Charissa Harris said, laughing at the extreme douchiness that brought the seven women together. “This is hilarious.”
Nathan isn’t the first playa to make such a dating facepalm. A not-so-smooth single named Josh group messaged all 32 of his Tinder matches in 2015. “Hey gorgeous =) what’s up?” he wrote. The first reply came back with: “Not much but I can’t speak for the 31 other girls attached in this group message.”
The Boston local then attempted to calm things down by sending a copy-pasted individual message to the women saying, “Don’t get your panties in a bunch,” and claiming he was too busy to send 32 personalized messages. Poor guy. It’s tough out there for douchebags.
9. “I Love Online Dating” — Said No One Ever
Online dating can be extremely frustrating, and humor lets people vent their gripes and take heart that they’re not the only ones having a bad time. Magician Phil Pivnick summarizes the experience like this: “If you’re online dating, you’re looking for people no one wants, and it’s $50 a month.”
The irony of many mainstream dating sites is that, despite the large number of people are online, few are actually date-worthy. “There are plenty of fish in the sea,” reads an eCard on Pinterest, “and lots of floating garbage too.”
It’s enough to make some daters give up on online dating altogether. While others just make quotable jokes about it. Nicole Betz, a witty Twitter user, said, “I’m not into internet dating, but I am dating the internet.” You can check out more funny online dating quotes here.
Don’t Take Online Dating So Seriously! Have a Laugh & Enjoy It
Attitude is everything on a dating site. If you go into it with a cynical, judgmental, and glass-half-empty attitude, you’re going to turn dates off and probably won’t have a good time. Don’t let the online dating experience get you down. Sending a message like, “You’re probably not going to answer but…” is just shooting yourself in the foot.
Hopefully, our list of jokes about online dating can help you loosen up, realize that these frustrations happen to everyone, and keep trying your luck. Nothing ventured, nothing gained, right?
Online dating may feel like a really bad joke at times, but practicing on the jokers can actually help you out when someone serious comes along. At the very least, all the failed pick-up lines and awkward profiles offer a good laugh while you wait for your perfect match. Good luck!