He Says He Doesn’t Deserve Me. What is He Trying to Say?

Dr. Wendy Walsh

Written by: Dr. Wendy Walsh

Dr. Wendy Walsh

Known as America's Relationship Expert, Dr. Wendy Walsh is an award-winning television journalist, radio host & podcaster, and the author of three books on relationships and thousands of print and digital articles. More than 1.5 million people follow her sage advice on social media. She holds a Ph.D. in Clinical Psychology and teaches in the Psychology Department at California State University Channel Islands and has been the host of "The Dr. Wendy Walsh Show" on iHeart Radio's KFI AM 640 since 2015. Walsh is also a former Emmy-nominated co-host of "The Doctors," as well as former host of the nationally syndicated show "EXTRA." She was named a Time Magazine Person of the Year in 2017 after speaking out about harassment at a major news network.

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Edited by: Lillian Castro

Lillian Castro

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Reader Question:

There is this guy I had been seeing for quite a while (eight months). Sometimes he says things like “You deserve someone better.” He doesn’t feel like he is worth it to be with me. And then the next day he will say things like “I miss you.” I am getting mixed signals. He is in the Marines, so we usually talk on MSN only.

What is he trying to say here?

-Chris Chong

Dr. Wendy Walsh’s Answer:

Dear Chris:

Pay attention! This dude is telling you he doesn’t feel worthy. Someone who doesn’t love themselves will have a hard time loving someone else. The fact he “misses you” is an indication he is attached, but being attached and able to be a good boyfriend are two different things.

The thing that bothers me the most is you only talk digitally instead of having plenty of intimacy-building face and talk time. Unless he’s deployed far away, there’s no excuse for not picking up the phone.

He’s not sending you mixed signals. He’s sending you a clear signal he is not into building a healthy relationship with you at this time.

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