How Can I Be Friends When His Dating Life Makes Me Jealous?

Dr. Wendy Walsh

Written by: Dr. Wendy Walsh

Dr. Wendy Walsh

Known as America's Relationship Expert, Dr. Wendy Walsh is an award-winning television journalist, radio host & podcaster, and the author of three books on relationships and thousands of print and digital articles. More than 1.5 million people follow her sage advice on social media. She holds a Ph.D. in Clinical Psychology and teaches in the Psychology Department at California State University Channel Islands and has been the host of "The Dr. Wendy Walsh Show" on iHeart Radio's KFI AM 640 since 2015. Walsh is also a former Emmy-nominated co-host of "The Doctors," as well as former host of the nationally syndicated show "EXTRA." She was named a Time Magazine Person of the Year in 2017 after speaking out about harassment at a major news network.

See full bio »

Edited by: Lillian Castro

Lillian Castro

Lillian Guevara-Castro brings more than 30 years of journalism experience to ensure DatingAdvice articles have been edited for overall clarity, accuracy, and reader engagement. She has worked at The Atlanta Journal and Constitution, The Gwinnett Daily News, and The Gainesville Sun covering lifestyle topics.

Discuss This! Discuss This!
Advertiser Disclosure

Reader Question:

I met my friend Alex one year ago this month. What was supposed to be a one-hour happy hour session turned into five hours of great conversation. When I asked him out a second time, he responded yes, but only as friends. He had been dating a guy and recently became exclusive.

Six months later, he and I were out with a group of friends. As the night progressed, he and I became more and more intimate and ultimately had sex later in the night.

The following weekend, while lying in his bed, I grabbed his hand and a few seconds later he moved away. I knew something was up. He told me he was still in love with his ex-boyfriend. What I didn’t realize was that over the past month I had been growing in love.

Three months went by without me speaking to him. I broke down and sent him a text. He recently broke up with his ex again. I learned his ex was coming to see him for a weekend and I got super jealous.

Will I ever be able to be content with just a friendship? Is it possible to move forward with my true feelings? How can I be friends when his dating life makes me super jealous?

-Jozee (Georgia)

Dr. Wendy Walsh’s Answer:

I want you to notice one thing about this relationship. You have been the pursuer at all times, even after he told you from the very beginning he could only be friends.

He doesn’t chase you. You chase him. You asked him out a second time. You broke down and text him.

He’s actually been fairly honest all along and that’s probably why he thinks it’s OK to have sex with you — because he feels he laid out the ground rules. But you ignored his warning, and for you, sex became a passion turning point that made you grow more in love.

And his inconsistent reactions to your attempts to pursue have been putting you on an emotional roller coaster.

I have two gentle suggestions:

1. Lose his number.

2. Take some personal growth time to understand why unrequited love is so attractive to you.

Once you have a more loving relationship with yourself, you’ll understand why you deserve so much more.

No counseling or psychotherapy advice: The Site does not provide psychotherapy advice. The Site is intended only for use by consumers in search of general information of interest pertaining to problems people may face as individuals and in relationships and related topics. Content is not intended to replace or serve as substitute for professional consultation or service. Contained observations and opinions should not be misconstrued as specific counseling advice.

Advertiser Disclosure is a free online resource that offers valuable content and comparison services to users. To keep this resource 100% free, we receive compensation from many of the offers listed on the site. Along with key review factors, this compensation may impact how and where products appear across the site (including, for example, the order in which they appear). does not include the entire universe of available offers. Editorial opinions expressed on the site are strictly our own and are not provided, endorsed, or approved by advertisers.

Our Editorial Review Policy

Our site is committed to publishing independent, accurate content guided by strict editorial guidelines. Before articles and reviews are published on our site, they undergo a thorough review process performed by a team of independent editors and subject-matter experts to ensure the content’s accuracy, timeliness, and impartiality. Our editorial team is separate and independent of our site’s advertisers, and the opinions they express on our site are their own. To read more about our team members and their editorial backgrounds, please visit our site’s About page.