I Can’t Get Over Him. How Do I Feel Happy Again?

I can’t seem to get over this guy I met. We dated for two months last year and it was very intense. He inserted himself into every aspect of my life, visiting on weekends, calling every night and telling his mother about me.

Toward the end of the two months, he seemed to change and would sometimes become bitter and sarcastic with me. I also know he had recently increased his dosage of anti-depressants and would sometimes drink with them. The good side of him was great and I still miss him.

How do I feel happy again or meet someone who really excites me?

-Tom (Oregon)

Dear Tom:

It sounds like you are best to be rid of this manic guy who moved too fast, ignored boundaries and put on an “intense” show for you.

I’m glad you saw a piece of his dark side, too. It sounds like this dude has a personality disorder.

But enough about him. Let me ask you why you found this soooo attractive.

Love isn’t supposed to be an intense. It is supposed to feel warm, safe and protective. No one can keep up the energy that this guy did for very long.

It sounds like you are more attracted to the intensity than the intimacy. And it’s intimacy that makes for healthy relationships.

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