I’m a Pre-Op Transsexual. How Do I Go About Meeting Women?

Mary Gorham Malia
Mary Gorham Malia Updated:
Discuss This! Discuss This!

Reader Question:

I am a pre-op transsexual, hoping one day to afford sexual reassignment surgery. I am 38 now and have actually taken the steps to transition for the past four years.

I am strongly attracted to women, but I do not know how to approach women with my situation.

Do most  lesbian women take issue with gals like me? How should I go about meeting women for the long term?

-Robyn (South Carolina)

Mary Gorham Malia’s Answer:

Dear Robyn,

A good place to start is take a deep breath – a few of them. Now you’re making very big changes in your life, and that alone can be overwhelming because the process is long and expensive.

I want to acknowledge your bravery and courage to own yourself and who you really are. With that said, you are correct in saying many lesbians will not be open to you for dating and a relationship.

Let’s change that story:

I’m a woman and a lesbian. I’m not open to most lesbians for a romantic relationship. I mean I’m not open to probably 90 percent of the lesbians I meet for a romantic relationship, but I’m happy to have new friends come my way.
Most lesbians are not going to be open to having a romantic relationship with you. That’s OK! You’re looking for one woman – one out of many.
If you’ll be patient and not lose track of your goal – just one woman who will love you – that is achievable.
It may take longer than you’d like, but lots of the best things in life take a lot longer than we want. Look for friends in the lesbian community and always remember you’re looking for just one great woman who can love you just the way you are.
Yes, it is possible. I’ve talked to three male to female transsexual people in the last year. They were depressed and despondent, and now they are in relationships and happy.
Keep the faith, Robyn! There is one great woman out there for you.

No counseling or psychotherapy advice: The Site does not provide psychotherapy advice. The Site is intended only for use by consumers in search of general information of interest pertaining to problems people may face as individuals and in relationships and related topics. Content is not intended to replace or serve as substitute for professional consultation or service. Contained observations and opinions should not be misconstrued as specific counseling advice.