11 Examples of Straight White Boys Texting

We know people say stupid things, but sometimes — they’re really stupid. Fortunately some people’s “WTF I can’t believe you would do that” mistakes are others’ entertainment.

Here we’ve collected the best of the best from straightwhiteboystexting.tumblr.com for your enjoyment. Nothing like a poorly attempted pickup to brighten up your day!

Well, at least he can recognize how effective it is. That’s the first step.

You should definitely be terrified. Please don’t let this man cut your hair.

Some men want you — some men just want your dog.

He probably thought he was being clever. How unfortunate.

Things not to do: refer to people as any kind of sexy animal.

Why would he ruin something as good and pure as cookie dough?

Is it more alarming that he equates semen with facials, or that he calls her darling?

He was just waiting for her to use a size-related adjective.

But … why even bother writing all that out if you just want to skip it?

I think we all know who the real garbage is here.

And on top of everything, he said “your” and not “you’re.” Oy.

Photo source: bigjoeonthego.com