First Date Tips for Shy Gay Men

Gay Dating

First Date Tips for Shy Gay Men

Sam Stieler Sam Stieler • 6/11/15

Being a shy guy makes dating difficult, to say the least. As a shy guy, you likely experience your share of problems with going out there and meeting other men, and you probably feel even greater stress when it comes time to actually ask those men out on a date. What’s more, the best-case scenario of asking a guy out, him saying yes and setting up an actual date simply leads to more apprehension as you worry about screwing up a potentially powerful and positive connection.

Of course, all of this doesn’t even begin to take into account the additional level of apprehension many gay guys feel when it comes to approaching other men due to the uncertainty of parsing out a stranger’s orientation.

But guess what? Even though you have a whole lot of anxiety to deal with, you have to just get over it if you ever want to go on dates, get laid and find yourself the boyfriend you’ve always wanted. Because even if you manage to get yourself asked out on all the dates you can handle, you still need to overcome your shyness if you want to actually turn those dates into something more.

To help you out, here are a few first date tips shy gay men can use to build confidence when and where it counts.

 

“Being shy can be the trump

card that gets you the guy.”

Remember, you’re evaluating him, too.

A lot of the anxiety shy men feel when they go on dates revolves around feeling like they’re being judged and feeling like they just aren’t going to measure up under their date’s scrutiny. Looking and feeling your best at all times by taking care of your grooming and your health is a good way to help neutralize these feelings, but an even better way to eliminate the need to glow under your date’s scrutiny is to remember he has to measure up to your standards, too.

The second you start to evaluate your date two incredible things happen.

  1. You give your mind a powerful external focus. By focusing outward, you will immediately stop scrutinizing yourself.
  2. You will raise your own feelings of confidence and self-esteem because your whole first date experience becomes about meeting your needs, and it stops being about trying to be the man you think your date wants you to be.

Play it alluring.

There isn’t a whole lot you can do about the fact that you’re a shy guy. Sure, there are personal exercises and self-development journeys you can take to eventually build up your confident, outgoing nature, but none of those options are going to produce dramatic changes in time for your upcoming date.

Even short-term solutions, such as telling yourself affirmations or spending the day in a yoga class, will only produce a temporary boost in confidence that will likely fall apart the second you lock eyes with your man.

For this first date, your current shy nature is all but inevitable, so instead of trying to hide it or banish it, highlight it. Never forget that there are multiple ways to express your shyness.

If you act shy in an unconscious manner, you will likely come across as awkward, but if you express your shyness consciously, if you downright play with your shyness, then you can turn it into an attractive personality trait that pulls your man into your orbit.

Being shy doesn’t have to be crippling. Played properly, being shy can be the trump card that gets you the guy.