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|Alessandra Conti • 12/15/14|
Do it for love or for money? It’s the age-old question single women are confronted with each time they swipe right to a man driving a Porsche in his main photo or hear a man is a partner at his law firm on their first date.
While the two qualities are not always mutually exclusive, we are living in an era where women, for the first time, are surpassing men in many aspects of life.
There are 10 percent more young women than young men going to college each year, and while the average pay of a woman is still lower than her male counterpart, there have never been so many power women at the top of their prospective industries.
As a matchmaker and dating expert in Beverly Hills, I see this reality each day, and it is often a struggle for these career-oriented women to date. They wrestle with the million-dollar question:
Should they be dating a man if he isn’t financially successful? Here’s how to answer that question:
In order for a man to be ready for a relationship, he needs to be in a great place within his career. If a man is “in between jobs,” his relationships will reflect that instability.
If a man is not settled and satisfied in his career, he cannot even begin to think about a serious relationship. Casual sex? Yes. A Tinder meet-up? Sure. But a meaningful, long-term relationship? Not so much.
Men are creatures who live their lives in a compartmentalized fashion. Think of a man as an unfinished house. The foundation has been built, and he is working on building the first floor.
Yes, he has thought about the upstairs and mapped out the six bedrooms, lounge and office (I am in Beverly Hills, darling!), but he cannot and will not get started on the upstairs until he has finished the downstairs.
Maybe he will go up there to have a beer or tinker around a bit, but even if he begins to build up and decorate the upstairs rooms, he will eventually have to go back downstairs and finish what he started.
Maybe he has just got a promotion at his finance job? This is good news. His app just got 1 million downloads? Go on that second date.
I am not encouraging you to be a gold digger or discriminate against men with lower incomes … on the contrary. The amount of money he is making is not my concern.
But whatever his profession may be, in whatever industry or income bracket, in order for a man to be fully immersed and happy in his relationship with you, he needs to be satisfied and succeeding within his career.
Success is relative to the career he chooses. If a man is not yet at the top of his field, he needs to feel as though he is working toward that goal and that it is in sight before entering a happy, healthy relationship.
He has been told from an early age he will be the provider of his future family, the bread winner, and he needs to utilize his resources and work hard. Eventually he will be able to live the lifestyle he desires.
Boys are taught early on their most important duty is to support their families. Women also, of course, have an urge and desire to have fabulous careers, follow their dreams and support their families, but many men move forward with their careers without relying on the potential support of their future partners.
While I am the first woman to agree I love flying private and consider shopping a therapeutic exercise (my office is a few blocks from Rodeo Drive … can you blame a girl?), it is vital to understand that because a man is financially wealthy, that does not necessarily mean he is going to be a better companion than a man who is not as financially-endowed.
If a man is in the proper mindset to enter into a relationship, depending on his industry and chosen profession, he will have a certain amount of disposable income that he will be able to utilize during the courting process.
The kicker here is when it comes to wooing a woman, it is not all about money.
Notice how the man you are dating treats the dating process. If a man is not yet wealthy, all is not lost, but he needs to step it up in other aspects of his wooing.
He may not be able to bring you on an all expenses paid vacation to Saint Tropez, but he can treat you to a picnic at the local park or stargazing at the planetarium. Any man whom you date, rich or poor, must make the effort to take you out on planned, lovely dates.
This is an area where rich men don’t actually have the advantage. There are so many inexpensive activities that impress women more than a lavish vacation that is planned by his assistant.
Women take notice when a man goes the extra mile to make them feel special. Be it cooking a homemade Italian dinner on his rooftop, planning a rollerblading day along the beach or bringing her fresh flowers from the farmers market, these plans impress women.
Women love a man who makes a plan and leads. Chivalry cannot be bought, and respect, manners and generosity are vital qualities your boyfriend-to-be should possess.
So am I advising all of you lovely ladies to drop your studly 20-something associate and date his boss? No.
But I am challenging you to take a look at the men whom you are viewing as potential contenders for your heart, and use a bit of discernment when it comes to choosing where to invest your emotions. They are your most valuable assets.
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