What Are Serious Relationships? (And Why They Matter)

From being called a best friend to a girlfriend, titles have always been very important to me in relationships. I guess you can say I felt this way because the role of girlfriend makes me feel legit and secure in a relationship.

A guy can always express fondness or show interest in me, but it doesn’t count as anything serious until they ask me to be their girlfriend. That’s when I know we are seriously dating.

What is a serious relationship? It’s a romantic connection between two people who are committed to caring for each other over the long haul.

According to the New York Post, the average person has four serious dating relationships in their lifetime. I want to try to define what serious relationships are and explore their significance in people’s lives.

In my years in the dating world, I’ve come to the conclusion that serious relationships are made and defined by people who are committed to one another. 

The modern dating landscape is full of different ideas of romance and love. Not everyone shares the same perspective of serious dating as I do –– and that’s OK! I have plenty of friends who define themselves as being in a serious relationship because they are exclusive or have regular hangouts and hookups (are serious hookups a thing?) with the same person. The bottom line is that if they feel their relationship is serious, it is.

Commitment is one universally true indicator of how serious you are about any relationship. Let’s break down what that looks like.

Emotional Investment

Individuals need to put in a certain amount of emotional investment needed to make a serious relationship work. Genuine feelings and openness to vulnerability are key to a serious relationship.

But what does it mean to be emotionally invested in someone? The WikiHow team described it best when they said that emotional investment happens when you focus emotional energy on something you find fulfilling – and hope for happiness in return.

When a person shares their feelings and invites their partner to do the same, that is a sign that the two are becoming emotionally invested in one another. 

Honest Communication

An open dialogue is crucial for any serious relationship. Saying that you’re looking for something serious can help you find exactly that. People wind up in situationships and unyoked relationships because they aren’t honest about what they’re looking for in their dating lives. 

Daters need to be honest about their relationship expectations and goals from the very beginning. 

Many therapists cite poor communication as a main cause of divorce and separation. 

“The act of communicating not only helps to meet your needs, but it also helps you to be connected in your relationship,” said BetterHealth. 

Exclusivity

People have different interpretations of what exclusive means. Some hopeful romantics think they’re in an exclusive relationship when they’re not.

Certain nice gestures – i.e., paying for dinner or coming over to Netflix and chill – can easily be misinterpreted as an exclusive relationship. 

But it’s not exclusive until two people verbally agree that they want to be exclusive. 

Exclusivity is focusing on one partner for mutual growth and understanding. Exclusivity is one step toward a committed relationship and is the main difference between casual dating and serious dating.

Long-Term Outlook

A long-term outlook means you consider the future when weighing the value of your partnership. After going on a few dates with someone new, daters should think about the long-term potential of their relationship. 

It can be scary to dive into future possibilities, but it’s a good idea when you’re thinking about getting into a committed relationship. 

Ask yourself these questions: 

• Can I see myself with this person 10 years from now? 
• Would this person add to my life?
• Do we want the same things in the future?
• Can I rely on this person to help with my life goals?

Such important questions can help you determine if you want to get into a serious relationship or keep it casual. 

Serious relationships aren’t for the faint of heart. “Nothing in life worth having comes easy” is a phrase that I think best sums up long-term relationships. 

Healthy relationships are created by people who put in the required work – and it’s definitely work. Here are the characteristics of a healthy connection.

Consistency & Respect

A healthy relationship relies upon regular communication and quality time together. Relationships often weaken because couples fail to have consistency in their behavior and communication.

We’ve seen many success stories from couples who have long marriages built upon mutual respect. They keep their connection strong through simple, consistent, kind acts. 

“Grandpa would always give me an extra 20 Deutsche Mark so I could buy roses for grandma at his favorite flower shop. And I would bring home the roses – and he would give them to her. We did this right to the end.” — Dr. Nico Rose

Valuing each other’s opinions, boundaries, and autonomy are all signs of respect that help grow relationships. Having respect for your partner is crucial

Some people struggle with showing respect, especially in disagreements. Relationship workshops and counseling sessions can certainly help couples who want to improve how they treat one another. 

Supportive Words & Actions

Support from a partner can make you feel like you can take on the world. Healthy relationships require being there for each other through challenges and triumphs. 

You can show support for a partner by encouraging them to ask for a promotion at work or making dinner for them when they come home. 

Support can be seen in different actions and words. Just like people have different love languages, they also have preferences on how they like to be supported. 

Couples should learn how their partner wishes to be supported so they can show up where needed.

Shared Values & Beliefs

Alignment in beliefs, goals, and lifestyle choices are all important things to consider when choosing a partner. During the early stages of relationships, daters should ask important questions to get to know a potential partner’s values and beliefs. 

Healthier relationships form when couples are like-minded and in agreement about the important things in life. 

For example, religion can be central to how people live their lives. It’s a common dealbreaker in the dating scene. 

Interfaith relationships can work, but couples would have to face unique challenges when deciding how they want to raise their children and celebrate holidays. 

It’s often more rewarding and practical to date someone who shares the same values and beliefs. That’s why niche dating apps like Christian Mingle have been able to thrive for decades. 

“Josh is charming and sweet, but what sealed the deal was his Christ-like mentality,” said Carlee, a Christian Mingle user, in a testimonial. “There are a million reasons why he is the one, but our faith and our spiritual connection is the strongest reason why we were able to happily commit to one another for a lifetime.

A few clear signs can help you determine if you’re in a serious relationship – or at least heading into one. Paying attention to the signs will help you decide the next steps you can take. 

Commitment 

As I mentioned earlier, commitment is necessary for any serious relationship. A serious commitment means both partners actively prioritize the relationship. Partners can show they are committed through their acts of loyalty and time invested in the relationship. 

“Commitment is really a verb because it is the actions you take daily to let your partner know we are with them and that you make decisions with them in mind,” wrote licensed counselor Mary Beth George in a Gottman Institute article.  

Emotional Depth 

You know you’re getting into a serious relationship by the strong emotional connection and intimacy you share with someone. 

It’s not often that people feel comfortable being emotionally vulnerable with someone. But a serious relationship only lasts if couples are willing to go that extra mile. 

Serious relationships consist of two people getting to know each other beyond the surface level. They should know what makes them tick and know their life story from childhood memories to current daily life.

Conflict Resolution 

Relationships require effective communication and problem-solving skills. Getting serious comes with challenges along the way. People have different opinions, and arguments will occur –– it’s inevitable. 

When facing a conflict or challenge, couples can strengthen their relationship if they have the willpower to persevere and find a solution that works for both of them.

Conflict resolution means learning to listen to one another and find a middle ground. That can save a relationship from going down the drain. It’s a skill that a lot of couples who have been together for quite some time are still learning and perfecting. 

“Conflict resolution can help bring people together once an issue is put to rest. One of the most important elements in conflict resolution is choosing to tackle problems as a team, rather than attacking each other,” according to research from North Central College. 

Relationships shape our society and make life more meaningful. Getting serious with a special someone is worthwhile and can help you in more ways than one. People navigate life better with partnerships to lift them up. 

Foundation for Stability 

Couples must create a strong foundation for their relationship. Building a solid groundwork for a lasting relationship is not a day’s work. It can take years, but it’s attainable when two people are willing to do the work.

Without a strong foundation, a relationship will crumble as time passes. 

A lot of people get caught up in the “cupcake stage” of a relationship and lose romantic interest when things get rocky. 

Honesty, trust, and respect are the foundation of any stable relationship. If a relationship has these pillars, it can certainly withstand challenges.

Stability can be attained through healthy relationship practices and professional help from a therapist or counselor. 

Personal Fulfillment

The phrase, “money can’t buy you happiness,” is a reminder that true happiness stems from the people we are surrounded by and the relationships we build. 

Personal fulfillment is an ongoing journey for individuals of all ages. Everyone has goals and dreams for the future. If you’re anything like me, those goals include spending time with loved ones and holding onto close relationships.

People suffer in terms of mental and physical health when they don’t have strong emotional connections in their personal lives. 

“We don’t live our lives in isolation,” said writer and podcaster Peter Cheung. “Personal fulfillment, therefore, requires cultivating deep relationships with people who are or will be a part of our life stories. We find ways to service the people we care about because their well-being matters to us. They are the reason for the work we do in this life.”

Opportunities to Grow

There are plenty of opportunities to grow when you’re in a serious relationship. Individuals in serious relationships must compromise, resolve conflict, and hold themselves accountable.

Learning and evolving together through shared experiences is part of being in a relationship. 

I’ve been in a relationship with my partner for five years, and we’ve grown as we went through different life challenges, from a global pandemic to graduate school.

Couples must grow if they’re going to stay together through the tough times. Starting a family is one challenge that will test a relationship and force growth from serious partners.

Couples who have kids naturally grow together as they face a new journey of parenthood. 

Parenthood is a major life change that can prompt couples to grow closer and learn from one another. 

Investing in serious relationships is likely to reap benefits in terms of personal fulfillment, happiness, and growth. 

A serious relationship can last a lifetime and add to your life in ways that you’ve never expected.

When reaching toward personal accomplishments, it’s always more satisfying to have someone in your corner to cheer you on along the way. After all, temporary fun is just that… temporary.