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Mary Gorham Malia
There was chemistry, attraction and a few fireworks. You made out in the parking lot so long you lost track of time. You drove home all tingly and lit up.
You thought she’s fabulous, sexy and hot, and you love how she kisses. You’re pretty sure this one has staying power because WOW that was so great. She told you she thought you were great, fun and amazing. She loved your lips… and on and on.
Now there’s no stopping the movie that’s running in your head about how great the next date is going to be and if you’ll move into her place or she’ll move into your place.
Brakes on please. Stop!
You’ve taken one make-out session and already scripted the rest of your life with her. You already see the two of you as a couple and that just isn’t so! You’ve entered a fantasy land, The Twilight Zone or maybe your worst nightmare.
Let’s count all of the reasons you’re not a couple!
The most obvious one is having sex doesn’t make you a couple anymore than making out makes you a couple or guarantees a next date.
Being a couple is a process of getting to know each other in bed and outside of bed. Outside of bed is critical because that’s where most of your life happens.
Playing tongue hockey with a hottie is exciting. You fire off a bunch of hormones in your body, and it feels intoxicating. Yes, it’s like being drunk. Kissing releases hormones that act like drugs or alcohol in your body and alter your perceptions. They mess up your thinking and decision-making ability.
Getting to take action on your physical desire does not make you a couple. It just means you were both horny and acted on being horny, not on being in love.
She could be drunk and won’t even remember what she did in the morning. She’s lonely or you’re lonely, and she simply wants to feel connected in the moment.
She wants to make someone else jealous and you were easy prey. She wanted to test you out, and you may or may not pass. You made out. That’s all.
A first date is just a start to learning if there’s the possibility of a relationship. When you add in making out, everything gets mixed up with what it feels like to be horny and perhaps even have an orgasm. None of this means she likes you enough to be in a relationship with you.
Finally, making out isn’t a great test of being liked or loved. Even lesbians make out with women for the wrong reasons. Yes, even lesbians will use other women for sex and then walk away.
Making out is fun, but it doesn’t mean you’re a couple. Being a couple is a decision you make together. It’s a decision you talk about and agree on together. You use words, not your body, to consciously create a commitment as a couple.
Making out happens, and if it does, enjoy the hell out of it because it might not happen again with that woman.
And if the next day she’s still interested in seeing you again, that’s great.
What’s really great is if you’re both still interested at the end of eight, nine or 15 dates. Now you’re on the way to being a couple.
Photo sources: whensallymetsally.co.uk, tumblr.com, festivalbrides.co.uk