6 Ways Your Phone Is Ruining Your Dating Life

Men's Dating

6 Ways Your Phone is Ruining Your Dating Life

David Wygant

Written by: David Wygant

David Wygant

David Wygant is an internationally-renowned dating and relationship coach, author and speaker. To find out more about David and all of his dating and relationship-building products, visit www.davidwygant.com.

Edited by: Lillian Castro

Lillian Castro

Lillian Guevara-Castro brings more than 30 years of journalism experience to ensure DatingAdvice articles have been edited for overall clarity, accuracy, and reader engagement. She has worked at The Atlanta Journal and Constitution, The Gwinnett Daily News, and The Gainesville Sun covering lifestyle topics.

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Let me say right out of the gate I am a BlackBerry user. In fact, I conduct a lot of business every day – phone calls, emails and text messages – using my BlackBerry.

So for those of you who were worried this would be an anti-cell phone article, you can relax.

While I am all for the convenience things like cell phones, iPhones and BlackBerrys afford us, there is one major drawback: Our constant attention to them may be putting a serious dent in our love lives.

There are so many people who spend virtually all day every day giving their cell phone, iPhone or BlackBerry 100 percent of their attention.

Those people are missing opportunities to meet people every day and may not be meeting people at all.

These are likely the same people, by the way, from whom I receive emails daily complaining they never see anyone to meet.

The irony is those people are being honest when they say they don’t see anyone to meet…but it’s not because people aren’t there.

They are victims of “self cell phone sabotage.” I don’t want any of you to be sabotaging yourselves from finding great connections all because of your cell phone.

So to help you be aware if you’re unknowingly killing your love life by “self cell phone sabotage,” here are six ways your phone may be ruining your dating life:

1. You’re stopping them mid-approach.

You’re in a store where someone is checking you out – someone you’ve also noticed and found attractive. Then that someone decides to approach you, but the minute they take their first step in your direction, your phone rings…and you answer it.

Not only do you answer it, but you proceed to have the same unimportant repetitive conversation with the friend who called you.

By doing this, you have stopped someone who was already interested in you from approaching – and they probably won’t wait around to do it a second time.

2. You’re totally programmed.

Let’s put you in that same store, and that same person you were attracted to walks right by you and smiles just as you receive a text message on your phone. What do you do?

Instead of reacting to what’s going on around you and reciprocating with a smile, you react like Pavlov’s dog to the “ding” of the incoming text and immediately look at your phone to find out who text you.

Not only did you miss that person to whom you WERE attracted to smiling at you, but by not acknowledging their smile, that person will believe you are not interested and they will walk away (and likely never smile at you again).

“Start paying attention to what’s

going on LIVE around you.”

3. You’re never “here.”

You could be out with a group of your friends in a great place filled with people you would want to meet.

Instead of being present and talking with the people with whom you’re with physically, you are devoting 100 percent of your attention to a full-blown conversation you are having with another friend via text message on your BlackBerry.

Meanwhile, a woman you may have been interested in comes over and starts talking to your group. You are so involved in your text message conversation that you don’t even notice she is there.

When you don’t acknowledge that person, they will assume you’re not interested and will walk away.

4. It never occurs to you to look.

It’s not that you don’t leave the house. You are in the grocery store, the gym, the book store, the coffee shop or the dry cleaners EVERY DAY.

So when I hear people say they “never see anyone” to meet, I know immediately they’re not “seeing” anyone because they’re simply not looking.

If people want to meet people so badly, why aren’t they looking?

Well because phones allow you to do virtually everything right from the palm of your hand. Many people never stop checking their email, making business calls, doing Internet research and sending text messages.

So even though they’re out in public, they miss everything (and everyone) around them. They also never interact with anyone – they don’t look at people, smile at people or flirt with people.

Is it any wonder they’re not meeting anyone?

 5. You make your date a “third wheel.”

You’ve met someone you think you might really like and go out on a date with them.

So there you are enjoying their company and feeling like there might be an amazing potential connection. Then the red light on your phone starts flashing or your phone starts vibrating, alerting you a text message has just been received.

What do you do?

Despite the fact you’re in the middle of a great date, you just can’t resist picking up your phone to see who sent you that text.

When you do this, you immediately turn off the person with whom you’re on the date. Nobody likes having a date interrupted by text messages, and nobody likes to feel their date’s attention is not focused on them.

You’re date will feel like a “third wheel.” You’ve also shown your date your first priority will always be your phone.

6. You’re always available but never free.

When someone tells me they don’t get approached or they never “see” anyone to meet, I know most of the time this is because that person does not make themselves available.

In the case of people who are glued to their cell phone, their BlackBerry or their iPhone, what is happening is they are “available” in that they are in places where they can meet people but they aren’t ever free.

People won’t approach them because they always seem busy with whatever they’re doing on their phone.

They also won’t ever notice potential opportunities to meet people because they never look up from their phone.

So while I love the flexibility and the convenience my BlackBerry affords me in being able to conduct so many of my business and personal affairs from ANYWHERE, I want to caution everyone to not let them take over your whole life.

By doing so, you may be unknowingly killing your dating life.

Start being conscious about how much time you are spending glued to your phone, and try to avoid behaviors like these. Just think how many people you may have completely missed who wanted to meet YOU.

Start paying attention to what’s going on around you. You won’t believe what (and who) you’ve been missing!

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