Can You Make Finding Love A New Years Resolution

Gay Dating

Can You Make Finding Love a New Year’s Resolution?

Jonathan Welford

Written by: Jonathan Welford

Jonathan Welford

Jonathan Welford is a dating and relationship coach, author of three relationship coaching books and regular columnist. He heads up a coaching and therapy practice specializing in dating and relationships. He lives in the UK with his husband and their English bulldog named Lola.

Edited by: Lillian Castro

Lillian Castro

Lillian Guevara-Castro brings more than 30 years of journalism experience to ensure DatingAdvice articles have been edited for overall clarity, accuracy, and reader engagement. She has worked at The Atlanta Journal and Constitution, The Gwinnett Daily News, and The Gainesville Sun covering lifestyle topics.

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Well, 2012 whizzed by in the blink of an eye, and now here we are all fresh into 2013. What were you were doing on New Year’s Eve?

Were you surrounded with people at a house party? In a bar drunkenly eying up some man candy? Or at home with a television, watching the old faithful countdown to the New Year?

So what are your New Year’s resolutions? The old cliches? Lose weight, use that gym membership, further yourself in career or education?

Maybe at the top of that list is to find love, maybe even a relationship. Is that wise?

Can you make finding love a New Year’s resolution?

You can certainly make meeting new people a resolution. You can decide to launch yourself on the dating scene (with more success), but finding Mr. Right puts a lot of pressure on any future partner.

One reason so many new relationships falter is the expectation put on prospective partners to be the perfect boyfriend.

Everyone adapts slightly when entering a new relationship. This is natural, but completely changing beyond all recognition from your core beliefs and values is a recipe for disaster.

“Dating is a process that involves

opening yourself up to possibilities.”

This can happen in two ways:

Firstly, you meet a really nice guy who seems interested in you. He does and says a few things you don’t agree with or that will challenge your values.

It is natural for you to re-consider your position on certain things, but if you just agree with him to make him happy, and this makes you feel less like you, it is bad.

One recent dating client of mine met a lovely guy who adored the party scene. My client really didn’t like it, but he pretended he did.

He attended all the parties, and at first he managed to pretend he enjoyed them to make his partner happy.

This created a false belief in his boyfriend that everything was good with the relationship.

After one party too many, my client finally came clean and said he didn’t enjoy them and didn’t want to go to anymore.

This put a lot of strain on the relationship, as his partner felt their relationship up to that point had been based on an untruth.

The second problem is when you convince yourself the person you are dating is someone different than who they actually are.

When you meet someone you really like, you can decide to only see certain behaviors (and ignore others) and construct a false belief they are a certain “type” of person.

You delude yourself that this person fits a “cookie cutter” ideal and ignore all the behavior that runs counter to that belief.

Inevitably the pressure will build up until something breaks.

So how to find love?

Is it possible? Yes, anyone and everyone can find love, but it’s not an event that can be planned or organized.

Dating is a process that involves meeting new people and opening yourself up to possibilities outside the “cookie cutter” fantasy of an ideal partner.

You can increase your chances of making a connection by being honest with yourself and with the people you are meeting. Be yourself because you don’t need to be anybody else.