Lesbian Dating

Dating Lesbians and Coming Out Stories

Mary Gorham Malia

Written by: Mary Gorham Malia

Mary Gorham Malia

Mary G. Malia, founder of Gay Girl Dating Coach, is a certified singles coach, strategic intervention coach and author of the book "The Gay Girl’s Guide to Avoid the 14 Dating Traps." She’s known as the leading resource and expert for lesbians who want to move past the barriers to finding love and lasting relationships.

Edited by: Lillian Castro

Lillian Castro

Lillian Guevara-Castro brings more than 30 years of journalism experience to ensure DatingAdvice articles have been edited for overall clarity, accuracy, and reader engagement. She has worked at The Atlanta Journal and Constitution, The Gwinnett Daily News, and The Gainesville Sun covering lifestyle topics.

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Coming out stories are part of our culture as lesbians. We all have one. Your story may be pretty short or pretty long. It could be really simple or very complicated, but where you are in the process has implications for how you live your life and how you date.

Dating and your level of outness has implications for who will date you. We can move beyond attraction and chemistry and how well you get along to how far out you are or aren’t.

A typical rule.

Many lesbians have a rule they will not date anyone who is in the closet.

Think about it. If you’re a lesbian that’s done the hard work of coming out and maybe lost your job, lost contact with friends and family and faced harassment because you’re lesbian, why would you go back in the closet for anyone?

If you’re a lesbian who is all the way out, you never have to be afraid of losing your job again or of family disowning you.

You’ve been there and decided truth and freedom are better than being in the prison of living a closeted life.


“You are fortunate to be coming out now

when there are so many resources available.”

You’re always having to come out.

Now if you’re just coming out, what you’re discovering is you’re always having to come out.

You’re always having to decide am I telling this person or not? Is there a reason to tell this person? Do they need to know or not?

Depending on your style of being lesbian, you may always have to come out.

If Portia de Rossi hadn’t gotten involved with Ellen DeGeneres, she could have passed as straight forever, except that Ellen is too far out of the closet.

Portia had to decide to step all the way out in order to date Ellen.

Coming out is a personal process.

When you decide to identify as lesbian, the process has begun.

First you come out to yourself, accept yourself as lesbian and start to envision life as a lesbian.

To live a lesbian life and be in relationship with a woman means taking more steps beyond those first few you did internally with yourself.

If we could all just live openly and with love toward one another, it would be so much easier to find a lesbian date, especially if you live somewhere that makes being lesbian difficult.

You are fortunate to be coming out now when there are so many resources available at your fingertips through the Internet.

Story after story of women who have navigated the coming out process can help you see the steps that are ahead.

And I promise, if you stick with this lesbian thing, you’ll find the hottest lesbians are all out and about and not afraid to talk about it. Join us!

Photo source: convio.net.

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