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Dating is not easy. Sometimes it’s not even fun. And that’s normal. The search for a romantic partner can take a significant amount of persistence, bravery, and, yes, luck. So, of course, there may be times where the prospect of dating can be downright daunting!
If you’re feeling anxiety about dating for the first time or dating again, you are certainly not alone, and we’re here to help with the knowledge and expertise we’ve gleaned from years of study.
The first thing we need to do is define what dating anxiety is and how it impacts us.
Dating is when two people make an agreement to meet with each other at a location and spend time getting to know each other in order to figure out if they are potentially going to be compatible with each other.
Anxiety is a feeling of being unsure and that feeling translating into a physical sensation that causes a host of unwanted emotions.
Dating anxiety is the fear of meeting with someone who will not accept you as a compatible partner. This translates to physical sensations that will cause you to act differently and leads to a negative spiral of behaviors that sabotage the whole interaction.
I want to focus on ways to tackle dating anxiety in this article.
One important disclaimer I want to give you first is these are not techniques or magic pill-type tips. If you want the real stuff that works, it will take a small amount of effort on your part to apply it.
There are three main mentality issues that are the root of dating anxiety:
Insecurity is when you feel you are not good enough or are of lower value than the other person you are interacting with.
Before your date, you can do some quick self-talk. For example, you could repeat to yourself “Women love me” while smiling and looking in the mirror.
You can also make a list of successes in your past to remind yourself that you are a valuable person. Your date will be able to see that in you and she will not look down on you.
Outcome dependence is another big mentality issue. It is when you desire some sort of outcome from the date.
In reality, you should go into the date without any expectations and be carefree. When you do this, it frees up your mind to be able to experience the person sitting across the table from you.
Focusing on making the date end up a certain way will affect your behaviors, make you nervous and sabotage the date.
Scarcity is also a big anxiety source in dating. Whenever you get a date with a stunning woman and you feel like she is very valuable, you may begin to feel like you don’t want to lose your chance.
The scarcity mindset tells you that you cannot make any mistakes on your date and you have to perform at your best.
However, then you start to come across like you are trying too hard or chasing. This will turn off the person you are on a date with. It will also make you look easy.
What will happen is the person will start to pull away and make you chase harder. This will fill you with anxiety. You want to avoid this.
After you have internalized these three key mentality concepts, then you are ready to tackle the outer aspects of tackling dating anxiety.
“Set yourself up for
an anxiety-free date.”
This is a very important aspect that can affect dating anxiety. Overall, you want to choose a low-pressure, enjoyable environment. You should be the one suggesting the location.
Avoid traditional dates like going to the movies or eating dinner. I reserve those kinds of venues for when I am exclusively dating someone.
Examples of venues that can reduce dating anxiety are comedy shows, laid-back coffee shops, a walk through a nice park, a concert, etc. If you somehow find a common interest, then doing a date related to that will help you immensely.
When you disarm and take control of your mind and properly set yourself up for an anxiety-free date (replaced with excitement and anxious arousal), you will be prepared for high-fidelity communication.
High-fidelity communication is where the magic happens. This is when there are no mental obstacles and you are able to fully express yourself to the person across from you without any fear of outcome or what they will think of you.
This is when you can make a solid impression on your date and make them attracted to you. In general, most people on dates are so nervous and mentally cluttered that their date doesn’t even get a glimpse of their true personality.
Keep it simple and use all of these concepts listed in order to make your dates stress-free and successful. Remember to always trust in your true personality. That is what you want people to see and become attracted to.